I want so many things for myself. I want passions, a family, a community etc. I remember when i used to be a functional person and how good it felt and i want that again. But after 5 years of trying every treatment I’ve gotten no relief and am in the worst place of my life at 38F. I’m currently a month into spravato treatments and I’ve seen like a 10% reduction in symptoms but that is not a meaningful change and has not improved my ability to function. I’m devastated that ANOTHER treatment isn’t going to work for me and it makes me feel like the only option i have is to kill myself because i can’t live with this high level of pain and suffering anymore.

I’m just so disgusted with the healthcare system and the treatments that are available to “treat” depression. I can’t think of a single reason to keep going. My life has gotten so small over the last 5 years. I’ve lost most of my relationships, my very successful career and my independence. It would take so much to rebuild a life at the point and i have no energy or capacity for some long journey. I just can’t believe this is how my life ended up.

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33M,I have given up on my life. I don't have any dreams or aspirations anymore, and I don't want to achieve anything. The only reason I am not killing myself is because my mum and aunt and sister. they need me; I have to be there to take care of them. They are loving and caring, and they are the only reason I am still hhere.

I just feel completely empty.

I just can't do it anymore. I dated a girl for 8 years and she cheated on me 15 times and some of them were my friends for years. And i still love her even tho she did alot of other stuff to me. I met some and I gave it my absolute all and she just ghosted me. I do some much for people around me no matter what they need i find a way to help them and I do even get a thanks or anything. My life is just to help other but no one cares about me ive been told that I should have died instead of my brother which maybe true because then they'll be happy and ive been through so much and I just can't do it anymore

A month ago I dropped out of uni after a few days into my first year because I struggled so much being so far away from home. I’ve never been normal, always a depressive person. I think this is because of my childhood. My mum was an alcoholic and I lived with her between the ages of 4-11. My brothers were there too, both younger than me. So I took on a bit of a parenting role throughout that time. I was suicidal when I was about 8 years old. I don’t remember much from my childhood but I remember how that felt. I know when I went to uni that despite how I felt (on the verge of throwing up all the time, not eating, not drinking, crying all the time) it wasn’t as bad as that time of my life, and that if I stayed and got to that point that I didn’t know what I’d do. I was scared I was going to feel that way again, so I left.

Not two weeks after that my girlfriend left me (this was a little over two weeks ago now). She had valid reasons. A lot to do with how much she’s struggling with work life balance, worried about me not being ambitious. Stuff like that. I get why she was worried. We spoke things out and I think she was in the mindset that I will show she’s wrong with time, and that she can settle into her new job and become less stressed. I messaged her a week ago asking if she knew whether she’d wanna try again one day, as that’s what I had gathered from our talk. She said she didn’t know so I did the best thing for myself and told her I needed to go no contact until I have no feelings and then I’d like to be friends with her, something she really wanted to begin with. So there’s that too.

I had my first day at a new job today. It was okay. It kept me busy. I’m gonna apply to a local university next year. But honestly I’m not sure if I’ll get in. I think the chances are high as I need three Cs and I got CCD but if I don’t I don’t know what I’ll do. Sometimes I think that if I don’t I’ll kill myself. That I’ll have no future I’m interested in. That I can’t get the job I want and I’m a useless failure who gave up his future because he struggled being away from the people he loves. Other times I’m happy. But it always comes to an end, I always end up sad again. I feel pathetic because sometimes I’m happy and sometimes I don’t know whether I’m better off dead. It’s like I can’t even make my mind up with that either.

I signed up for NHS talking therapies though. Yay. I hope it helps me. I’ve been thinking about therapy for over a year now and have finally decided to try it. I get life is hard but I don’t know why it’s so hard to me. Thank you for reading.

I hope this is ok to post here, I didn’t see any other groups that seemed to fit and scrolling through these posts it seems like I might be able to find ideas here

The title summarizes it. I’m an adult child of a father who is dealing with depression, but will not hear anything of getting any help or trying to address the issues and how it’s impacting our family. Whenever I visit home, my stepmom cries about how she doesn’t know how to help him. Even is siblings who he rarely sees notice the difference.

My brother and I have both openly shared our own struggles with anxiety and that we’ve sought help/therapy for these issues, thinking it might get him to see past the generational and cultural (my father is an immigrant of old ”suck it up” stock) opposition to addressing mental health, but that’s gone nowhere. We’ve tried sitting him down and straight out telling him we’re concerned and we love him and he gets angry and storms off.

He barely bathes, he drinks, he hardly speaks beyond small talk, he eats terribly when he does eat, he spends his days sleeping on and off on the couch and doomscrolling. He lived such a full life when he was young, and the shift is jarring. Having spent a lot of my own time and focus on working through generational family trauma, I think I can understand why he might be where he’s at, but that doesn’t help me know how I can help him, or at the very least help my stepmom since she‘s with him more than any of us.

Any resources or suggestions to getting started would be so much appreciated. I didn’t want to bog the post down with too much detail, but I’m happy to provide clarity on the situation.

TLDR; my dad is depressed but won’t hear concerns from anyone, how can we help him get help?

Every time I tell him how I feel he thinks it’s a matter of changing my perspective, and he thinks my generation has the concept of work backwards. He thinks that we don’t have the drive to work simply motivated by money, and that it’s not right to always look for a job that fullfills you. He thinks following your dreams is the wrong way to go about it.

We had another disagreement today and I’m just so tired of defending myself to him. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like he’s trying to understand. He can’t just sympathize and comfort, he’s always trying to tell me what I’m doing wrong. After a while it makes me feel horrible about myself.

I genuinely can’t bring myself to do anything anymore. All I want to do is cry, and when he states all these things by s about me and tells me he doesn’t think I’m taking things seriously I feel so miserable and misunderstood.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Talking to him makes me feel invalidated. I’m tired of all of our conversations ending in me feeling unheard.

I just wish someone understood me. My brain literally finds the idea of suicide more appealing than working myself to exhaustion everyday. There’s nothing about a “real” job that makes me want to do anything. He makes me feel like an idiot. The world we live in today makes me want to give up on my life, and he doesn’t even see that. He just thinks I’m being a brat and it hurts so much

And I feel guilty for it. I shouldn't have "feelings" for a woman I've only talked to 10 sessions, 1 hour each.

I consider myself extremely lucky to have had her assigned to me. She genuinely made me feel happy, and calmed my soul every time. I even dared to say that she was almost "like a best friend/GF". Things got even better when I tried an SSRI for the first time ever.

Then one day, out of the blue, her supervisor wrote that my next appointement was canceled. She had to leave work for an unknown period of time. I was left in the dark for days until the replacement therapist called me. She gave me the usual spiel about calling the crisis center if things got really bad. I asked about in person sessions in the meantime. She said: no. I don't do long term followups and I can't touch your records.

She then transfered me to another social worker, who said the same. With the exception of: "we'll do a phone interview to evaluate symptoms, to decide to which service you'll be redirected."

I feel anxious because this being through public healthcare, I feel like they are just there for the paycheck and bounce me around like a hot potato because they don't want me to be their problem. And I don't dare do therapy through a private practice because the rates are quite high. I can't bring myself to spend upwards of 10-15% of my earnings just for therapy alone.

It's been 6 weeks since I've last seen her. My meds work less and less (the brain must be getting used to the high serotonin levels), and losing the great care and compassion she gave me deeply affected me 💔. I also started to have mild SI again, atleast much weaker than before.

I feel that aside from my family, she is the only other person in the world that was genuinely worried about me. And now, I worry about her 😢

Painfull Painfull thoughts I cant keep liveing like this

I (female 27) could feel the depression coming back a couple of days ago and it’s attacking in full swing today. I feel powerless and useless. Part of it is that my husband and I have been struggling to resolve any of our arguments, which is really getting to me. I feel so lonely and just want to disappear. I also feel like I’ve leaned on my friends too many times. I feel like if I keep having low days I’m going to drive them away. I am going to individual therapy weekly.

I (21F) had an attempt, 10 minutes in and I regretted it and called for help. Fast forward a few hours and I’m set to go to the psyche facility for a bit.

I know I’m an adult and don’t have to tell my parents anything, but I’m a college student. I am depending on my parents, I don’t have financial aid from outside sources, and I know the best way to handle the solution is to tell them that I am struggling. BADLY.

Any advice helps.
Thanks

(Hello, yes Gemini helped me to translate this post. I'm Spanish.)

Hey everyone, I'm looking for some insight, advice, or shared experiences because I’m feeling really lost and overwhelmed right now. (TW: mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts)

About a year and a half to two years ago, my life completely changed. I used to be genuinely happy and enjoyed my life, but out of nowhere, an overwhelming emptiness took over. I stopped enjoying things I used to love, and frequent suicidal thoughts started creeping in. So over time my ability to function deteriorated severely. Simple tasks like doing the dishes, cooking, or even getting out of bed feel like climbing a mountain. I spend days just stuck in bed staring at my phone. It’s way past "laziness" at this point, I wish It was just laziness.

My memory has gotten significantly worse.

I graduated from college but haven't been able to find a job or resume my previous remote work.

My partner has been very supportive, but living with my family has been hell. My mom screams at me whenever she sees me crying, and blames me for everything. My family makes me feel like I’m useless and they’re right.

First treatment attempt:

I finally went to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with Severe Depression, ADHD, and Anxiety. She initially prescribed:

Sertraline (50mg)

Risperidone (2mg)

The Risperidone was terrible for me. It turned me into an zombie, I mostly had nasal congestion, and also it stripped away whatever tiny bit of motivation I had left, I felt way worse tired. It helped with obsessive thoughts tho. About the Sertraline, It didn't make me feel better because it just blunted me emotionally so I couldn't even cry or feel anything.

I had a severe relapse and stopped taking the meds, so I spiraled. The withdrawal/instability made everything worse for me with constant crying, severe stress, self-harm, and telling my partner horrible things about wanting to end my life.

My current situation:

I went back to my psychiatrist, and she changed my plan

Sertraline 100mg daily

Lamotrigine (mood stabilizer)

I’ve been on this new combination for exactly one week but I'm having intense, rapid mood swings. Throughout the day I go from feeling extreme, burning anger/irritability, to total boredom, to deep sadness, to feeling "blank/flat"—literally everything except happy or okay. I still have zero motivation or interest in things I used to love (drawing, gaming—I open a game and immediately close it to lie down).

Are these extreme mood swings and irritability normal during the first week or two of starting Lamotrigine and increasing Sertraline?

Does it get worse before it gets better? Am I being too impatient, and should I wait at least 4 to 6 weeks to see any real stabilizing effects?

For those who experienced this level of severe executive dysfunction and anhedonia, did this medication combo actually help you get your life and basic hygiene back together?

I know pills aren't magic and I need to put in the work, but right now I have zero energy to do so, and feeling this angry and desperate is scaring me. Any advice, personal experiences, or words of encouragement would mean the world to me. Thank you in advance.

Failed my major exam 2 times,now I feel insecure don't have energy always feels irritated bored and even though if I want to cry I can't.

It’s been the case for years that I wake up at 2 or 3am and I feel the sadness that I can’t explain why. Wondering what is it

‎My mom told me to get something from the a specific house, i arrived and i was in front of the house which my mom told me to go but then i saw three kids they were looking at me and then when the little kid which i believe that look like in 2 to 3rd grade said "His face is ugly look" he said it two times and then the two kids look at me again then laughed, I was genuinely holding my tears back and then i got home got to my room and im now crying, My looks is the only one that makes me loose confident i was never bad to people i always treat them right i even got good grades, why am i even ugly why can other people be good looking but not me fuck god fuck My mother and father who made me fuck genetics that existed and fuck everything im tired i don't want here anymore the only thing that keeps me from living is that im scared of the pain, i never even wantee to be here i wish i could just wash my face off my head so i wouldn't have a face.venting to strangers is better than venting to my parents or friends. And in only 14 yo but has already been known as ugly what about my future would i never have a family and leave peacefully because im ugly.

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Idk, I don’t feel love. I feel hatred, jealousy and tiresome. This chase for love is killling me

My household is very noisy during the day, and every time I try to focus on something I end up interrupted or disturbed. So night time is the only period when I can study and actually get stuff done, but that's also when I'm the most depressed and overwhelmed by thoughts of self harm. Is there a way I can make it more bearable? Thanks, and hope your weekend's going well :)

Me 16m just have this void of depression i can’t fill no matter how much money, girls, friends i chase i just can’t seem to get rid of this bad feeling. It’s i feel as if it’s just getting worse and i am loosing friends and other things in life and it’s all moving by so FAST. I just need to know how to stop this feeling or where can i get some help cause it’s getting out of hand.

I don’t usually come online and post about anything. However, I have reached a point where I am truly struggling to do anything anymore. I don’t know if I am doing this right.

I have been diagnosed with depression for five years. Recently I just started a new job and I live alone for the first time in my life. I manage the bare minimum: get up, go to work, eat at least one meal a day, do my job, and go home. I cannot get myself to care about anything anymore, and that includes improving my situation. I sign myself up for things/obligations to try and trigger my anxiety to at least prepare me for what I made myself responsible for. That works sometimes but fails more often than not as of recent.

I don’t feel like I have anyone I can reach out to because no one seems to understand. They all tell me the same things like “drink more water” or “go on a walk” or “this feeling will pass”. The feeling hasn’t passed and I hardly have the motivation to stay alive, so telling me to walk is not going to do anything. I also feel guilty telling people who aren’t equipped to handle mental health issues about what I am feeling, so I just feel more of a burden than anything.

It feels like the goal for each day is just to make it to the end without ending things, if that makes sense.

I feel the urge to run away sometimes, to quit my job and just stay in bed all day, to silently cut off everyone who knows me. There are people who I used to be close with who don’t seem to care about my life anymore, and I don’t see the point in trying to see if that’s true. I can’t get myself to believe any good thing anyone says about me. I feel like Ive become something that a once healthier version of me would be so disappointed with.

I know that I don’t care enough about myself right now to improve my life, but I feel like maybe there is some chance I will again.

I’m not really sure what to do.

I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety, and was taking an antidepressant for a couple of years. I tapered off and stopped taking it 5 weeks ago because I couldn’t stand the fatigue and it felt like it was no longer working.

Now, I’m almost constantly sad and I’m crying everyday. I’m worried I’m going to burst out crying a work.

I’ve been having a lot of difficulties with eating too. I get so upset at supper time and cry during it to the point where I feel sick.

My apartment’s a mess and has been since I moved in. Work takes up so much of my time, and I’m constantly getting sick, which is common with my job. I don’t want to do hobbies, nor do I have the energy for it.

I live alone and don’t have anyone. But that’s on me. I do crave a relationship but am too afraid for it and feel safer single. Making friends doesn’t interest me. My relationship with my family os complicated, and I can’t confide in them.

I did try talking to counselors through my work but that program was useless. I can’t afford private psychologists.

Any advice?

Can someone please explain why we have to be here? For months I feel horrible. Really horrible. I do things to stay alive, eat, sleep. Try to get through the days, but I don’t feel anything. There’s nothing that gives me energy or that feels like ah I want to do this or investigate this or learn this. Everything is too much. I just want to disappear.

I only live inside of my head and it‘s a very dark place. I feel I want to crawl out of my body and just leave. I don’t want to do this, work, earn money, buy things. Everything is too much. It’s horrible, why do we do this? AAAAAAAAAAA.

I don’t have anybody, and I’m at my lowest. I don’t want to get to into it here, or be a victim to my situation. I just need someone that will listen and not judge or disregard. Normally I’d process and handle it alone/with God but I really feel unsafe with myself right now.