Sometimes I don’t trust myself to drive or be in public due to how frequently I intensely “check out” from reality.

Secondary question: are legitimate out of body experiences, where you genuinely see yourself in third person, something that happens? It’s the stereotypical description of dissociation, however it sounds far more similar to some kind of odd hallucination? I mean no disrespect by this question.

I've been struggling with it every day for 6 years, was always the scariest thing in my life and bothered me daily, and 3 days ago it just went away while i was on a bus?? I'm so happy and I needed to tell someone!! I'm still working on reminding myself what's happened over these years as I've partly forgotten most of it but I'm just so relieved, here's to a new chapter of my life without this horrible illness :)

I've met plenty of friends that experience dpdr but in the last 15 years I haven’t met one therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist that is familiar. They always act like they are hearing it for the first time when I describe it and I feel like they think I'm crazy or something. Surely someone else has experienced this? Out of everything Ive dealt with Dpdr is the most troubling by far I would assume people would be talking about it or bringing it to the spotlight more often right?

Warning for drug use and vomit mention

So for some context, I'm in my early 20s and I recently started smoking THC-A. I got diagnosed with DPDR (I believe specifically Depersonalization is what I've been dealing with) about a year ago and have been on Lexapro to deal with it. Over the past year it's gotten alot better up until about a week ago when after smoking for the fifth time overall, and this time it was about 2 days after I had done it last which is the shortest gap I've done. I ended up coughing bad enough to vomit and seconds after that happened I've entered a really bad dissociative state. I realized in the moment that I felt it the most I have in a good few months and I spent that night trying to sleep it off but it's been about 5 days and I am still struggling really hard with it. I moved up an appointment with my psychiatrist to see if there is anything I can do to help with it but for now I think I just need some advice from people who may have encountered similar problems. Thank you guys so much in advance and I apologize if this post is somewhat wordy

im 16 and this has just started. this idea of “nothing is real and everyone around me isnt real either” is really freaking me out and it only started about 2 weeks ago. i feel so hopeless and im scared im going into psychosis. i want to be able to talk to my family (especially since my mom just had a baby) and friends and know that they’re real and i feel like im wasting my life away already.

We are looking for participants for a study on onset experiences in DPDR. If you have DPDR and are open to discussing how it began for you, please leave a comment or send us a DM, and we'll send you the brief eligibility survey. Thanks!
- Cognition and Affective Disorders Lab, Ferkauf Graduate School of Psychology

Does anybody who has depersonalisation feel like it almost feels as if I’m an early version of a human that hasn’t been completed, like there are parts of my brain missing, mainly emotional and like the sort of inner monologue

Hi im 22 year old female, that has been struggling with severe DP and DR for over 5 years. It’s a constant in my life, and im so so afraid, I know I shouldn’t be, that just makes it worse, but it’s just such a terrible feeling, feeling like im awake in a bad fever dream, and I’ll never wake up, and then panicking. I’ve tried so much, therapy, medications, and for two years struggled with a very bad alcohol use, to cope with it.
I just wanna relax again.. to have peace, and be able to do stuff again, without worrying about DP and DR. There’s so much I can’t do anymore due to the fear of it. And I’m on setralin and it kinda helps, but still any suggestions or ideas/tips whatever. I so so welcome. Thank you all in advance!❤️

Just a little more information:
My DP/DR stems from 10+ years of trauma, and stress. (Bullying, abusive and violent household, neglect, abandonment, SA and I could keep going)
Since I was a little kid ive always dissociated a lot, to cope with all the things happening. Which also means that I can’t remember 99% of what has happened in my life.
But the DP/DR came for the first time, when I smoked weed. And then again after 3 months, and then it became everyday in my life. My therapist and doctor told me that due to the state of living in constant stress/trauma/anxiety/and fight or flight mode. I was destined to end up with those feelings eventually, since never getting any help. So whether it has happened smoking weed or being in school. It would’ve happened.

I’ve been in this torment for 3 months now. my issue is I feel as if a big problem you have to solve in order to get better is finding the cause and working on that. Now my situation is peculiar because I really don’t know why this happened lol like I was just driving one day and then I looked around and was like weird my surroundings feel off and unfamiliar. that threw me into this current and worst episode of dpdr I’ve ever encountered in my life. I have had bad anxiety all my life like every type of shit and even had dpdr twice before in my life (one time over a year at 15, and another time at 24 for a couple of months from a panic attack) but never got medicated. I was having some decently high anxiety the month of this happening with a couple almost panic attacks at the gym but nothing crazy really I’ve experienced that for a long time. I didn’t have a panic attack that triggered this I simply just was driving fine one moment and then out of it the next. I keep thinking I’m progressing but at this point I just genuinely don’t know. I had this awful pit of anxiety in my stomach the first couple weeks because I was so scared and then that completely went away. Now I’m just existing of that makes sense lol I go through the motions everyday but can’t really look back on them. Yesterday feels like it’s distant and the present moment is all I live in. i mean even thinking about earlier in the day feels weird to me. Again idk if I just got past the initial scariness of it and that’s why my anxiety went away or what tf if going on. I just moved out in my own and I’m scared that’s going to be the worst for me but I had no choice. Also I don’t know about anyone else but I almost physically can’t stop reassurance seeking? It’s like I literally can’t go 2 days without looking something up, asking people how to recover, or asking AI. I know everything about this condition so why am I still doing this? Like I’m literally doing right now. Is it because I don’t know why it started? Is it OCD that’s fueling this? I just don’t know. I feel like my visuals have gotten better and I don’t really acknowledge how my surroundings feel anymore and no I’m just hyper focused on my brain and my mind and how it just doesn’t feel right. It almost feels like maybe I did recover and I just don’t know?

Am I fucked? did I traumatize myself from this whole experience to the point I’m never going to be able to forget it and move on?

Eu não tenho dinheiro para me tratar com neurologista recentemente descobri que minha dp e dr era causado por algo bem pior entao não tenho dinheiro pra ir a um médico os hospitais públicos do meu país é uma desgraça então vou tomar tudo por contra própria tem sido um inferno se eu chegar a morte estarei no lucro não aguento mais estou a começar lamotrigina amanhã sozinho gradualmente pedi ajuda de ias para me prescrever a dosagem e creio que vou conseguir ter uma vida se não posso morrer mesmo.

Did others experience physical pain in their body while at the same time losing normal sense of having a body and touch?

I just feel so confused by what i went through

At first it was just detachment but then as it got worse my whole body felt like static painful numb electricity and sounds lights everything hurt to take in

THC panic attack almost 6 mos. ago. I had long covid 2 years and recovered for 1.5-2 years. I had POTS that went into remission. I was working, working out and life was normal. I had mild neuropathy that never went away but I hardly feel it anymore. Clearly had some type of immune response.

So since this panic attack I have not been the same. It started with a terrible panic attack where I thought I was dying. I greened out bad for about 5 days. I had mild DPDR for the first 6 weeks or so and it started improving esp. in the afternoon. I have noticed ever since this happened symptoms get worse when it gets dark. I also had more of an off balance feeling months ago than now. This retriggered pots symptoms where my hr will go up 30 BPM even with meds so my nervous is out of wack. Did lamictal or doing gut gi map and treating bacteria help anyone?

These are my symptoms:

- Started with feeling more spaced out. POTS symptoms were retriggered the next day after but without a lot of fatigue. The slower digestion dysautonomia started about a month after. Started worsening about 6 weeks later.

- Then started increasingly where it was hard to stay present and focus on myself.

- Then more "underwater" feeling, feeling like a glass between me and the world. I increasingly do not feel in reality.

- It feels like I am fading away. Senses are dulled. I can't feel my head or limbs as much. Touch has been duller ever since this happened but hasn't gotten worsen.

- The only time I don't feel anything is when I am sleeping. It starts getting worse around 9 or 10 am and worsens all day.

- Light sensitivity that has increasingly worsened. Lamictal may have worsened it more.

- It gets worse right before sundown and when the sun goes down. Symptoms worsen throughout the day. Not as bad from 7-9 am.

- Increasingly feeling like I am blind but can see and faded washed out vision. Slightly blurry vision. This is more in the last week or two. This is scaring me. I've had two eye exams and they found no damage. I was diagnosed with BVD but wasn't given prism.

- BP is always normal, blood oxygen normal, brain MRI 100% normal, bloods normal besides low ferritin (27-40) which I got 2 infusions 4 weeks ago. No impact on symptoms. No pain, no shortness of breath.

- POTS meds seemed like they were helping at first now the don't really help that i can tell besides lowering HR. Benzos help a little but were helping more a month ago.

- I started lexapro 6 weeks ago and it has not helped at all and I cannot tell if it made it worse. I started lamictal 5 days ago and the only thing it has slightly helped with mood, but everything I have read it takes about 4 weeks to tell if it helps with DPDR at 50-100 mg.

Long and short it has been intensifying for a minimum of 3.5 months. No one can explain it. Is this DPDR? Will this ever stop getting worse? I am losing hope fast. It seems my nervous system is totally out of wack and dysregulated esp with my history of long covid but the thc panic attack was the trigger. I am losing hope that this will ever stop getting worse.

Hey everyone, I’m a sophomore in high school and I’m making this post because I honestly just need to know if anyone else has been through this. A few days ago I had the most terrifying experience of my life and I’m still kind of shook up.

For context, I’m a total rookie. I’ve only gotten actually high once before this at a sleepover and it was super fun. The past couple of days at school, I was meeting up with my friend in the bathroom and hitting his vape that looks like a Bullet. I was only doing like 1, 2 second hits and felt absolutely nothing.

So on Thursday, right around 10:00 AM, literally 5 minutes before my art class started, I decided I was gonna take a huge hit to really feel it. I inhaled super deeply for like 4 to 7 seconds, held it in, and immediately burst out coughing like crazy. I choked so hard I almost puked, and smoke blew out everywhere.

Right away, I instantly started panicking. My mind was racing with worst-case scenarios: What if a security guard walks in? What if I can’t stop coughing in class? What if I’m late, get sent to ISS, and have to sit there coughing my lungs out while super high? I rushed to the water fountain and chugged water, which cooled down my throat a bit, but I was still doing hella mini coughs all the way to art.

Once I got into class, I sat down and started chugging my water bottle. Not even 5 minutes in, I randomly zoned out hard asf, and that’s when it hit me.

I derealized super bad. It instantly felt exactly like a dream, nothing felt real at all. I had double vision at first, I was dizzy the entire time, and I felt like I was gonna pass out. It was terrible. But the craziest part was that even though everything felt fake and like I was in a dream, I still completely knew I was derealizing and knew I was high, so it just made it an even weirder, scarier feeling because I was aware of it. I was so disoriented and terrified that I immediately started tugging on my friend Chandler’s hoodie. I tried my best to explain what was going on, but my heart was racing. I kept whispering, “Chandler, help, I actually need help, I’m derealizing super bad, I made a big mistake, I hit a blinker.”, I don’t even know if it was a blinker, but in the moment I thought so, I told him to ask an AI how to fix it, but the school wifi wouldn't load it the whole class.

For the rest of that period, I was absolutely tripped the fuck out. I kept looking around the room super erratically. If I focused on one thing I would calm down for a second, but then I’d feel like I was gonna pass out, so I’d start looking around erratically again. Then I'd realize how dumb I looked, feel totally fake, and tug Chandler's hoodie again just to try to keep myself in the loop. Time dilated insanely bad, 1 minute felt like an hour.

To make it worse, the art room was the absolute worst environment to be in. There were weird abstract paintings everywhere, colors everywhere, loud music in the background, people talking, and paintbrushes constantly tapping on glass jars. It completely overstimulated me. I got stuck in a loop mixing white and black paint over and over, putting paint on my brush and immediately dipping it in the water, calling a paintbrush a “toothbrush,” and laughing at absolutely nothing.

The most embarrassing part was that a group of pretty girls sits right next to us. The girl next to me asked for the white paint. I tried my absolute hardest to lock in, but I deadass grabbed the yellow paint, handed it to her, and started bursting out laughing because I knew how ridiculous I looked., Later in Spanish class, Chandler told me she actually asked him for the paint, and while he was handing it to her, I just grabbed the yellow paint for myself and started giggling on autopilot. So idk,

The rest of the school day I was just completely gone. The high eased up around the end of the day, but I was still geeked. I got home, ate, and took a nap. When I woke up, I thought I’d be normal, but I still felt geeked in front of my parents. I remember making two egg sandwiches and feeling so weird and detached while cooking them.

I woke up Friday morning thinking it was finally over, but on Friday, it felt like it came back, and I swear to god I didn’t take another hit or anything.
The second I walked into art class on Friday, just being in that same spot and remembering the panic triggered something in my brain. I almost fell into that same exact loop of focusing, looking around erratically, derealizing, and wanting to tug Chandler’s hoodie. Then in English and Spanish, I was totally checked out. Walking in the halls, I was on complete autopilot. Usually you subconsciously avoid people and know your surroundings, but it felt like nothing was around me even though I could see and hear everything. I felt like I could walk right through everyone and ended up accidentally bumping into a lot of people. It felt like I wasn’t even controlling my own body.

It’s now Monday and I feel completely normal and fine now. I’m actually skipping school today for a dentist appointment, but looking back at what happened on Thursday and Friday, I’m still pretty shaken up by how real it was. Has anyone else ever experienced an episode of derealization this bad from one hit, and did you get "flashbacks" or anxiety loops in the same location the next day? How long does it take for your brain to completely move past it?

Ciao a tutti, scrivo questo post perché sono arrivato a un punto di esaurimento totale e ho bisogno di capire se qualcun altro sta passando o ha passato quello che sto vivendo io.

​Tutto è iniziato il 12 maggio 2025, in seguito a un evento pesantissimo legato all'assunzione involontaria (o a un'esperienza traumatica, a seconda di come vogliamo inquadrarlo) di metanfetamina. Quella notte ha letteralmente mandato in corto circuito il mio sistema nervoso. Da quel momento in poi, la mia vita è cambiata radicalmente.

​Lavorando come infermiere in una RSA — un ambiente già di per sé durissimo, fatto di turni massacranti, pressioni e dinamiche tossiche con la direzione —, il mio cervello non ha più avuto la forza di recuperare.

​Oggi, a distanza di tempo, mi ritrovo a fare i conti con un quadro clinico ed esistenziale devastante:

​Collasso del "sensory gating": Il mio cervello ha perso completamente la capacità di filtrare gli stimoli. Qualsiasi cosa è un sovraccarico. Una passeggiata fuori, i rumori, la luce, persino il movimento o il fatto di interagire con le persone mi provocano una sensazione di "elettricità" interna, agitazione e debolezza estrema nel corpo e nella testa.

​Esaurimento neurovegetativo cronico: Anche quando sono a casa, al sicuro, il mio corpo continua a comportarsi come se fosse in pericolo di vita. Mi sveglio dopo aver dormito (anche ore) con la testa "debole", pesantissima, e un tremore interno/scosse che mi impediscono di sentirmi riposato. È come se le riserve di neurotrasmettitori fossero completamente a zero.

​Il cortocircuito con il lavoro: Il pensiero di dover rimettere piede in reparto, di rivedere il direttore o di gestire i turni scatena una risposta biologica ingestibile. Eppure, sento un forte senso di colpa e resistenza all'idea di fermarmi o di mettermi in malattia, come se fossi bloccato in un vicolo cieco.

​La terapia e la sensazione di inefficacia: I farmaci che sto prendendo (come l'EN/delorazepam) tamponano un minimo l'ansia acuta, ma non riescono a coprire questo livello di sfinimento profondo. Ho la sensazione costante che nulla possa funzionare e che la mia testa non riesca più a reggere il peso della normalità.

​Faccio fatica a trovare un confine tra l'ansia, i postumi biologici di quell'evento del 12 maggio e un burnout professionale avanzato che ha fuso i miei circuiti.

​C'è qualcuno che ha sperimentato questa perdita di filtro sensoriale (sensory gating), questo stato di "elettricità" perenne e questo crollo totale del sistema nervoso? Come avete fatto a uscirne, o quantomeno a dare sollievo a un corpo che non si spegne mai?

​Grazie a chiunque vorrà condividere la sua esperienza o darmi una parola.

I am in my room getting ready for a work. And I cannot take it anymore. I become so spiritual that I cannot even think. I cannot think anything normal, anything human. But I just went deep and cannot return to be a normal human. In my head is one million thoughts and also nothing, I am not happy who I have become. My life is over, and I cannot change it, I cannot become a different. Im way too good and everyone else are not. Im also working with children, thats why I chose this job... But cannot work with adults, cause I dont have anything to say, I feel so freaking blank and like open hearted. Ah lets just pretend we are just happy and thats it. Im going to work, but literally I cannot form a thought. Thats why I dont contact anyone, what have i done man :(​

So, recently I've stopped vaping. I've also cut down my caffeine intake down to 100mg a day instead of 500. For me, the use of stimulants helps my DR grind to a halt. I'm completely unreal today, everything is fuzzy and flat and I physically cannot wrap my head around the fact that other humans can think and feel. And you know what? it's fine. I understand why this is happening, I'm comfortable in it, and it'll pass.

Just sharing a win

Newly diagnosed, long time observer here. I don't know if it can help anyone but I wanted to share my experience.

I'm in my 30s, a few months ago I decided to start trying to understand why I've always felt that I perceive and interact with the world differently than everyone around me. I have been able to maintain a career and build a family, but there was minimal joy. I relied on duty, intellectulized love, and a sense of doing the right thing. It was enough to keep me going.

Derealization for me was constant, only breaking for seconds at a time every few years. My world was 2-dimensional, picture-like, and distant. My depersonalization would ebb and flow multiple times a day, feeling as though I was falling backwards from my own body and splitting my person into 2 entities, the mind and body. I masked a lot, and I got good at it, but I didn't stop to ask myself why. I had a job to do and a family to feed, I always told myself it didn't matter.

Eventually it did matter. The energy it took for me to repress my reality and push on was exhausted. I tried therapy, it didn't work. The providers I worked with didn't understand my profile and tried to fit me in a neat little box of common acute depression. My experience was defined by burnout and exhaustion, not dimished self-worth or ideations. They didn't get it.

So I arranged to see a psychiatrist. The diagnoses of major depressive disorder and DPDR came on the first day we and I was prescribed a SSRI for the first time in my life. I was told it would take 4-6 weeks to assess the full clinical benefit, or lack thereof. Yet, a couple hours after my first dose my derealization broke. The world looked beautiful and vivid, in a way that I recognized as looking like it did when I was a very young child. It was profound and disorienting. I cried for the first time in years.

As the day went on, the derealization came back but I was not discouraged. My morning had shown me that the world is beautiful and it is waiting for me.

I've had all kinds of horrible symptoms, but the ones bothering me most are

-having one-sided heaviness/weakness in left arm, hand, leg. (I don't see anyone talking about this so I really want to know if anyone else experiences this with anxiety/panic/dpdr); i want to add I still can walk and do everything, it just feels heavy and weak I guess.

-cognition issues like forgetting everyday simple words and having trouble speaking because of that, I also have trouble reading and typing because the brain fog is SO bad.

-doing anything and everything is hard, everything feels weird and wrong. physically and mentally. I barley leave bed.

-complete mental numbness and blank/empty mind. feel like a void.

-hands feel weird, like losing control

-bad eye floaters

-near constant headaches

-feel like I'm just staring at everything and not actually taking anything in, this makes it impossible to watch stuff or play games.

I've had a CT scan, lots of blood work and pee work(?), even optic nerve scans and of course I want more tests. All day everyday I feel miserable from all kinds of symptoms and I'm at the end of my rope.

One thing that will help immediately, and I encourage anyone to try this is chewing black peppercorns when you’re having an episode/attack or whatever it is, and it helps almost immediately. Problem is you’ll need to have a pocket full of black peppercorns like a psycho.

Another thing that’s helping with me for some reason is the idea of being a good person. Avoiding shortcuts, avoiding being quick to anger, avoiding gluttony and aiming to do good things rather then selfish or bad things. I don’t know why, but it helps. Almost like the derealization is a symptom of your nervous system telling you life isn’t going the way it should.
Just your own moral compass of what you think is right, focus on sticking to doing that. I feel like that’s the real reason drinking or drugs triggers it to me, is I morally feel it’s bad and I get anxiety I will feel this as punishment almost.
So taking care of your body would go with that, eating less like shit or with vanity but for health purposes and true gratitude for life. Sometimes for moments egotistical things like lust or vanity can feel grounding but the truth is it’s more so a distraction.
I still struggle with it everyday. But through the process of elimination I feel like that this is the best way to deal with this and honestly a better way to live.
I fell into this whole thing by originally taking mushrooms years ago, and then anytime I tried psychedelics I had it again through the years. However this is the first time I’ve had to from something non-psychedelic, this time it was triggered from a mix of peptides that I was taking. Honestly I kept thinking it was side effects of the peptides, but I haven’t taken any for months and I still keep getting this problem creeping in my life. I was taking them to the point I damaged my kidneys and have to go in for testing, because I was so vain and loved everything it was doing to my body and ego even though I knew it was me cheating myself from dealing with what was actually going on with my eating habits and self image. In my fearful dark, almost psychosis feeling thoughts I feared what certain actions would do, like I feared sharing that peppercorns helped would make reality stop them from working for me. But when I do good things that helps me much more, so I decided today that the morally right thing to do would be to share things that work for me.
I know how scary and dark it feels to feel like you’re on the verge of losing your mind, where you don’t know where you will end up if the thoughts continue or what type of grasp on reality you will have left. Just take it one step at a time, try and be kind and do the things you believe to be good. I can’t promise it will work, but it’s worth trying and I promise you in some way or another you will feel in some ways better.

I hope I can report back soon and tell you all how well it works and not just make a new post saying “never mind all that shit just drink and worship the devil, nothing helps”, because I have high hopes this will continue working for me.

And if anyone is feeling alone or has a similar experience and just wants to talk privately feel free to reach out and I would love to talk with you about what might work and help

Anonymous account because my partner knows my main. But even if he saw me post this, I doubt it would have made any difference.

His DPDR has become the single most justification for being a really shitty partner.

I know how much of this is on me - I’ve spent so long trying to be a good partner. I am patient patient patient. I am beyond gentle. Compassionate. Kind. I do anything and everything I can. And my enabling in that build our situation as much as he did.

And he does *nothing* but what I can call whim indulgence.

He can’t always access his feelings. But, he can always avoid them!

The problem isn’t dpdr, it’s that my feelings to him are problems that damage his ego. If you’re on this subreddit you may be able to understand the ego issue I face.
No love, you are not cool or superior or elite because you are disconnected from your emotions. You are not some cold callous vigilante badass observing the dregs of humanity from your pedestal - you are an emotionally immature child.

So after all this time, what is my patience for? Will he suddenly realize one day that every instance of hurt, pain, pleading, begging, painfully trying to keep us together doesn’t just disappear for me as it does him?

Will he ever realize that he is part of this relationship too?
Will he suddenly recognize the double standards we function under? Will he ever be able to see me and treat me like a person again?
Will he ever initiate anything intimate again?
Will he ever even TRY to?
Will he ever even summon the possibility of TRYING to his mind to ponder it is possibility as a path forward?

“I don’t know”
“I can’t”
“I don’t know”
“I don’t know”
“I can’t”
“I don’t know”

Well, at this point, me too. I’ve exhausted my patience. My kindness. My heart.

For someone who can’t be bothered to care.

I’ve been in this long enough. Yes, this behavior is a choice, and not just because he has dpdr. Because he is capable - he has an extremely successful career, in which he has made many close friends.

And for THEM, he tries. For people who are not me.

He laughs, and participates and has fun. He is kind and generous and considerate. He is so intelligent and successful in his career, which requires intense executive function, problem identification and solving, timeliness, communication. He takes the time to text them and make them laugh. He puts in effort to connect. He flirts with them.

And with me, I guess he just can’t. It has become just humiliating the degree to which he approaches our relationship with weaponized incompetence and learned helplessness.

And then to gaslight me into hoping one more time. This time he hears me. This time he sees me. This time he understands. I know I need to have trust in his feelings and patience until he’s able to meet me here.

And so he escapes the discomfort of one conversation with promises and agreements and every I want to hear, until disappointment slowly dawns on me once again. Well, my optimist is dead, and I no longer have any trust. Or hope.

After years of me begging, he finally started seeing a counselor. After the first few months, he doesn’t really like it that much, because it’s not fixing his dpdr.

If you have any hope, advice, or commiserations, I would appreciate it. I am feeling very alone in this situation.