Sooo, today I got a call from the funeral home saying my mother's remains are ready to be picked up. I went, picked up the little black box with her ashes, and came back home, made some coffee in her honor. I placed that box on the table and sobbed like a baby for several minutes. (I'm amazed I managed to hold back my tears until I got home)

I don't have enough money for an urn, and I certainly didn't want to keep her in the original box. Now I have my mother's old canister set from the 70s. There's a tall one she kept coffee in, so I decided to put her remains in the canister 😂 I cried and laughed at the same time, and I know she would have gotten a kick out of that, too!

She LOVED her coffee, AND that canister set! She's had it for as long as I can remember, and I'm in my 30s. I called my sister. At first she was like "Omg!!" But then we laughed and laughed.

It's only temporary until I can buy mom an urn. Anyway, just thought I'd share that. I'm wrecked emotionally and mentally, yet I'm happy she's with me at home. In her favourite canister. I love you, Mum... and I'll miss visiting with you, having coffee. 🕊❤️‍🩹

I would like to share with you the chronicles that happened to me over the last couple of days – now that I have my emotions in check. If you are missing loved ones who have passed away, I hope this detailed accounting will boost your faith that your loved ones can get through to you from Heaven.

1.   Late this past Monday afternoon after putting in a 12 hour day, I was exhausted so I did what I have been doing since David passed, swiping reels while relaxing. It passes the time as the evenings are lonely without my husband. A singer on Britain’s Got Talent, Stacey Leadbeatter, hit me with a ton of bricks. I didn’t even know I was crying until the song was over. No other song, ever, has had that type of effect on me. I set her performance on ‘replay’ and watched it for over 2 ½ hours. Every single time I listened, I got chills – the good ones. My iPhone seemed to ramp up the performance – the volume was louder than usual, even though it was on max and it sounded like I was watching her live. A very emotional experience.

2.   I finally went to bed, but woke up at 2 AM. Just as I came to, I heard these lyrics from the song (Run, by Leona Lewis) in my mind – ‘Even if you cannot hear my voice, I’ll be right beside you dear, light up, light up, as if you have a choice’ Do you know what David always called me? “Dear”. Sure, he called me by name to get my attention, or when we were doing business with clients – but 99.99% of the time it was “Dear”. In the line ‘light up, light up as if you have a choice’ – David would say that to me, “as if you have a choice” when I wound up talking to a bunch of people rather than fading into the background – which is what I prefer – David would say, “I know, but you don’t have a choice, it’s instinct that makes people want to chat with you and you can’t change that.” Those lyrics resonate incredibly high with me. Yesterday, while working, I had it on replay again as I was cleaning up a few chores on my laptop. I am thrilled that she is releasing ‘Run’ on December 7^th.

3.   Mid-afternoon yesterday, I decided I needed a rest. I was thinking about what to have for supper and this popped into my head – go to Smitty’s and order breakfast for dinner. Huh? Aside from my daily Ensure, the only time I eat breakfast is when we are on vacation. I know I have NEVER ordered breakfast for dinner – but David did, all the time. Upon waking after a short nap, I ran with it and went to Smitty’s for breakfast. I sat leisurely eating my meal and scrolling. When I was finished eating, my lovely server told me that my bill had been taken care of – someone had paid for it. She didn’t know the person, but, said, “They just asked me to tell you to pay it forward.” They even left a tip! Well guess what! Paying for someone’s meal was always our thing. Our kids loved surveying the restaurant and picking out the table that we should pick up the bill for and would tell our server “Please tell them that we don’t know them and to simply pay it forward.” We picked up a tab in December of last year for a family of 4 at Swiss Chalet. We were sitting adjacent to a family and heard a young boy say, “This is so good. I wish we could eat this more.” I don’t remember the dad’s response but he made it clear, in a gentle way, that eating out was something they could only do once in a while. We had just gotten to the car when David told me he would just be a moment as he went back into Swiss Chalet. He returned a short time later and I asked him if he forgot his phone. He said, “No. I got the family three $50 gift cards so they can get out a little more often. It was such a sweet thing to do.

Here is the link to Stacey’s cover of ‘Run’ by Leona Lewis. You will NEVER forget her singing that song.

Well, there you have it and thanks for reading. After a visit from David’s spirit (the most mind blowing thing I have ever experienced) then the sign he sends for Hannah, Misty, Sharon and myself when we are together have made me 100% sure, absolutely positive, with no doubt that David can get to me from another dimension.

These occurrences have left me awestruck (cannot describe how I feel in words) and I know David is there – just beyond the veil nudging me forward – until we meet again…..

Postscript:

I did have a visit from David’s Spirit a couple of weeks after he crossed over. Just like Stephanie Leadbetter’s voice, I can’t find a word to describe that either, even with a prolific vocabulary. I have shared my encounter on a group site and found that many other spouses have had very similar experiences.

In my spare time - humph – not much of that – I need more of me to get the work done and I am fighting three antibiotic resistant bacteria – again. I am writing a paper detailing – the best way I can – my happenstances in order to show other spouses what to look for as signs their partner is trying to get through in nondescript ways. I will share it when I am finished. It will also demonstrate how my faith told me that David was in Heaven. But, after actually being enveloped in his spirit, it left not one smidgen of a doubt. Posting this when completed will, hopefully, give people the reassurance they need to be sure there is a Heaven and their loved ones are there.

My dad would have turned 80 today, and falling asleep knowing I can’t wish him a happy birthday is unbearable.

My old man passed away back in May this year from an incredibly aggressive cancer. So aggressive that it’s hard to believe that just last October, we were celebrating his 79th birthday at a Greek restaurant. He looked rather well, happy, alert, and full of joy and energy, despite already having gone through his first few rounds of chemo. You can literally see it in the photo, which was exactly a year ago…

And today, for the first time in my life, I’m going to sleep on this day of the year without having heard his voice.

When I was living abroad, he’d always stay awake because he knew I’d call to wish him a happy birthday. And what makes it even harder is that I’ve now moved back home to Germany. Had he still been here, I would have seen him tomorrow.

But I also know that, despite how much it hurts, I’m giving my dad exactly what he would have wanted today: I’m thinking of him.

He never expected or wanted presents or anything fancy for his birthday. All he ever really wanted was to know we were thinking of him and to spend some quality time together.

And how I wish I could have that time with him just once more. To be back at that Greek restaurant, or anywhere really, celebrating him for being the best dad I could have wished for. Celebrating him for simply being… there. Because coming to think of it, that’s what truly mattered.

Of course, he wasn’t perfect. But who really is? He was our dad, and he did everything he could to give us a brighter future. That’s what matters to me.

I’m fortunate to have my cats, my partner, my mum and my brothers. They’re truly my world. And my friends, although most of them are still abroad (I spent most of my adulthood in the UK before moving back to Germany), have also been an enormous source of support.

I know I’m not alone, and I know I have so much to be grateful for. But that doesn’t stop me from wishing I could hear his voice just one more time.

So I want to end this post by saying:

Happy 80th birthday, Dad.

This post is partly a way for me to vent, but more importantly, it’s a celebration of the person my dad was, the love he gave us, and the place he’ll always have in our lives.

I miss you, old man.

I thought it almost appropriate to be a Zombie Bride since my fiance died. Halloween has been a somber affair for me since 2012. He died a week before Halloween so every October tends to be a painful time of year for me. Friends convinced me to do a bar crawl so I went to Goodwill and bought a wedding gown for $30. The wedding dress my fiance helped me pick out is still safely packed away with his clothes. I would never defile it like I did this gown. My groom is dead, I feel dead - so this really isn't a costume so much as a portrayal of how I feel. Even 14 yrs later. A living dead girl.

it’s been about 4 months now.

My wedding is on Halloween. We were just over a year apart. He was my only sibling.

We slept in the same room together for our entire childhood. Sometimes in the same bed together if one of us was scared.

We were brothers. We fought. But there’s no one on this planet I loved more than him. I didn’t talk to him every day or anything. In fact I found his personality somewhat abrasive - and I’m antisocial as it is. If push came to shove however, he was always in my corner. No matter what. And I was in his.

But I loved him more than anyone on the planet. He was my built in best friend. I could have called him at 3 AM if I needed him and he would have driven 500 miles to help me, and the feeling was mutual.

I never had grand ideas of a wedding as a boy. It’s not really something little boys typically fantasize about, you know? But one thing I was always sure of was that he was my best man. Because he was. He was the most important man in my life. My brother. Through thick & thin. Through fists, through hugs, through shouts, through every “love you” at the end of a phone call - he was my brother.

And now he’s gone. A week before my wedding.

We are proceeding with the wedding as I know he’d be upset if I let something like his death derail my life. He’d want me to keep pushing. Be strong. Be his big brother. He pushed me and I pushed him. We made eachother better.

I’m giving my own best man speech in his honor. I don’t want the wedding to be a funeral. But that’s the only part of a wedding I ever wanted. I know he loved me, but I wanted him to give a sincere best man speech and really offer his love…and he would have. Those sincere moments don’t come often enough between men in life. We knew our places in each others lives. There was no need to be overly expressive…or at least, that’s what we thought.

I loved him. More than anyone. And it’s not even close. I’ll miss him for the rest of my life. When my parents die. When my child is born. Every one of his birthdays. Every holiday. I’ll think of his absence.

I’ll miss my built-in-best friend. And the reality of that hits only a week after his death whilst I’m celebrating the beginning of a new life with my soon-to-be wife.

It’s honestly comedic, in the sick Shakespearean tragedy way. My stubborn dickhead of a brother who was notoriously reliable when you needed him managed to lose his life just a week before I really needed him.

I don’t believe in anything religious, but he found god in the last few years. And I hope he was right about it. Because id love to see him again when it’s all said in done.

So my mother passed away last year and today we were given her urn ([Other family member] had it for a while). With her urn here, I've just been thinking of all the stuff I've wanted to tell her about, and share with her--tiny things like shows I wished we could've watched together that aired after she passed, interests I've wanted to share with her, etc--and so I've just been casually talking to her urn today as though it's her. I mean, her ashes are inside, duh, but she's passed. I know she can't hear me.

But despite this I've just been going on small tangents like I used to when we'd just hang out "Oh, let's watch [Show], you'd really love it, I'll start it from the beginning", "Oh so earlier this year I got really into [Book], lemme tell you my favorite character", etc. I mean...is this normal? It feels...I don't wanna say silly, 'cause I'd talk to my mom like this when she was alive but I mean.

Does anyone else do this?

my cat died yesterday and it was extremely traumatizing. she died in the backseat on the way to the emergency vet. before her and her siblings, i had 2 cats. both died from euthanasia but one was 19 and the other was 9. 9 yr old died from cancer. it was so traumatizing watching the cancer slowly eat away at her until it was too late. now it happened again but this time it was lung issues. when i look at her siblings i feel so guilty. theyve been more clingy so i guess they know. my mom said she feels like she shouldve done more. i dont know what to say because i feel the same. i wish i had done more. i keep thinking how long she was cold back there. maybe she shouldve passed at home surrounded by her siblings. it feels so cruel. i feel like i killed her. i feel like we shouldve tried harder. im mad that the vets near us didnt have the equipment available. if they did maybe shed be alive right now. im mad that i had to leave her there to be cremated. she died on dia de los muertos for pets. maybe thats saying something? i dont know. i want to die so bad but i have to stay for her siblings and my mom. i wouldnt wish this on anyone. i love you onyx

Hi all, my dearest father was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal cancer about 4 weeks ago (small cell lung, spread to his brain and spine) and given a very short prognosis. He’s made the decision to do VAD (voluntary assisted dying) program, so I will be losing him very soon. I 100% support his decision, as although he’s in a wheelchair and needs 24/7 care, cognitively he is still the same dad I remember and I feel strangely thankful I’m able to preserve him in this way. He wishes to go peacefully, surrounded by his loved ones and has accepted his illness (he is optimistic to a fault at times lol). I understand not everyone will understand or even support VAD, so if comments can be respect and kind please 🙏🏽

I love my dad so much, and the thought of losing him is destroying me. The best way I can explain is like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff. As the days pass, I’m getting closer to the edge and I’m looking down knowing within less than 10 days, I’ll be free falling. I’ve never experienced grief before, so it feels like torture my first time it being a parent. I’m constantly anxious, shutting down, sometimes I get so mad, then so, so down. I have no friends, and my family are also going through it so support feels limited.

If anyone reading this has gone through a similar experience, firstly I am so sorry. I welcome any guidance or words ✨🤍

I lost my son to suicide a little over three years ago. It’s been the most heart-wrenching, painful experience of my life. I live with it every day. Reading and support groups have helped, and I’m healing, even if it’s slow.

I still cringe when I hear the phrase “committed suicide.” To me, it makes it sound like the person committed a crime. We don’t say someone “committed” cancer or any other illness. The word “committed,” when tied to an action, brings up things like fraud, murder, or other wrongdoing. That’s why the phrase feels so painful and just wrong to me.

For me, the phrase “committed suicide” adds to the stigma that already surrounds suicide. It feels harsh and judgmental. I much prefer “died by suicide” or “took their own life,” which feel more humane and kinder.

I’m curious how others feel about this. Have you noticed this too, or do you think the language matters?

I woke up feeling sad today, it’s my mom’s three-month anniversary since she died. As I share with tears how I’m feeling , My spouse said I’m crazy to feel like this and that I think of her death in anniversaries, especially the first year. Am I being crazy, unreasonable here with my feelings??

It's been 5 months since I lost my dad, I can hardly believe I've almost lived half a year without him. He was absolutely my emotional rock, the parent I would turn to for advice, reassurance, or just someone to talk to. We were two peas in a pod. Since I was a child I wanted to be just like him. He travelled the world for work, visiting over 50 countries and living in 12. He had crazy fun stories to tell about all the people he met, how different the world was, but how people had the same hearts everywhere. He hung out with news anchors who were being monitored closely by the government, he once was mistaken for the French Ambassador at a foreign airport and followed around by guys with guns. These are the tame tales. He had countless memorable encounters and endless knowledge and joy.

I miss him so dearly. I miss our weekly phone calls. I wish he was able to see the house I bought with my spouse. I wish he was around long enough to see us have kids, watch our children grow older and bounce them on his lap. Share his stories and his love with them.

But he never will.

Instead, I'll carry him around with me as best as I can, remember all I can, and be grateful for the time we had together.

I love you dad, you'll always be my hero.

That’s it. Leaving the cemetery is a different kind of hurt. It’s like my heart is breaking over and over again, and I don’t know why. It just sucks. It sucks so bad. And what sucks even more is that I feel so bad everytime I leave the cemetery. I don’t mean to leave him alone, but I can’t stay forever. I just want him to know that I’m there with him, always and ever.

Everytime I leave, I remember everything. The day I found out. Feeling numb. Feeling sick to my stomach.

Even now, when out and about, I look for my friend, wondering where he is, only to remember he’s not here.

Sometimes I wonder if he gets cold at night in his grave, if he ever gets lonely.

I miss my friend. And this vent makes no sense. Grief makes no sense. One day I’m happy when remembering my friend, the next im in tears at his grave.

I still have photos of him, videos of him, of me and our friends together, and it’s almost like he’s looking at me from beyond the grave; which sounds weird, but everytime I look photos of him, I get an eerie feeling.

Days go by and I just sit there, and wait, for people to ask what he was like. His story deserves to be told.

But I understand why he did it. He was ridiculed. Picked down to nothing.

My son passed away 5 months and 11 days ago. I turned his room into a memorial for him but have been going in there less and less recently. I’ve found that I can function (be there for my wife and our other 3 kids, go to work, etc) when I consciously focus on what I need to be doing each day. When I do this, my son’s death doesn’t dominate my thoughts and I’m not as sad/angry/confused, and just feel better. But I don’t want him to become a faded memory either. I think that’s why I turned his room into to a memorial but every time I go down there I break down and for the next week I struggle with severe depression. I’ve missed several days of work because I just can’t bring myself to do anything.

I’d like to know what other people do to keep their loved one’s memory alive and still be able to function. I know grief can last for a very long time but I thought I could keep myself from straight up ugly crying in my office by just looking at a clients name on a form that happens to be the same as my sons after 5 1/2 months. What helped you? How did you manage your crippling grief?

I just need to talk to someone. I posted here few times after my mom passed away last week.

This year I lost her and my dad.

I have very close friends. I have family members, but they are far away. Mom and dad were always there for me, even though we lived far apart, we were always visiting each other.

My father had his history of alcohol abuse, he almost destroyed our lives at one point, but for the last 10 or so years he was trying to make up for it, and we were on good terms.

When he died, my mom and I decided to live our lives to the fullest.

And now she's gone too.

Right now, I'm alone. No wife, no kids.

I just don't think I can go on. I wrote to some people here in a similar situation to be strong... but how can I give such an advice, when I just can't take all this pain.

I feel lost and scared. It's just unbearable

Last year my cat died due to cancer. She collapsed on the Kirche floor when I was not at home because of a job interview. Died while having a seizure.

A few weeks later I have watched my grandpa succumb to pancreas cancer. I have visited him nearly every day for the course of 6 months. SIX MONTHS was all it needed to turn a +100kg and nearly 6.5ft tall person into a living skeleton who cannot hold in its own pee and has to take FENTANYL to make the pain bearable. I watched his decline in real time, without being able to do SHIT about it.

And yesterday, my beloved Pet Dog died to aggressive cancer which has spread from some unidentified area to her left Kidney, her Liver, the spleen and the spine. Blood was splashing out her back and covered the floor. A few hours later we had to put her down to prevent her from
Suffering even worse.

SHE WAS ONLY 10 I could have had 5-6 years more with her but this fucking disease took her from us.

This is the third loved one in roughly 12 months.

I would love to grab the concept of cancer and everything that is cancer and torture it to death. I hate it here.

Like the title says, I lost my dad yesterday. I'm 26 years old, and I had moved back in with him because I wanted to help him maintain the house and take care of things.

It all happened so fast. There were no warning signs, nothing that could have prepared us for this.

He was supposed to retire this very week. He had just bought himself a new car, and only last weekend, we went to Tim Hortons together to get our usual iced coffees. Everything was so normal. We had plans. He had plans. He was supposed to have so much more time.

But yesterday was incredibly traumatic for me.

I accompanied him into the emergency room, where they were checking his heart. It was barely beating. I was there when my dad said, "I'm leaving now," and shortly afterward, he lost his pulse.

They tried to resuscitate him, but in the end, they couldn't bring him back.

I can't get those moments out of my head.

I miss him so much. I've been doing nothing but crying, throwing up, and lying around since it happened. I haven't been able to eat, and I feel completely exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this.

I'm still staying at his house, alone, because I need to take care of the property, our dog, and the horses.

But everything feels so empty now. So cold and unfamiliar. It's the same house I've been living in, with all his belongings still there, but he's not here anymore. And knowing that he's never coming home again is absolutely destroying me.

I feel so alone and scared. I don't even want to think about the future because I can't imagine it without him.

We're trying to prepare the funeral arrangements, but we end up crying at every step. Everything feels impossible right now.

I just want my dad back. I want things to go back to how they were a few days ago, when everything was still normal.

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe comfort, maybe advice, or just to hear from people who understand what this kind of loss feels like.

How did you get through those first days after losing a parent, especially when it happened so suddenly?

I feel so lost.

My dad has had Alzheimer's for about 3 years now. In that time I saw him change a lot, but I was always able to have (albeit superficial) chats. Last Friday he deteriorated and yesterday he was declared terminal. My siblings and I said our initial goodbyes on Tuesday night. My dad raised his hand to ask for mine and held it firmly and rubbed it a little bit with his thumb, even though he couldn't speak anymore. I like to think that was his way of saying it's ok. We were at his bedside when he died this morning.

I thought I'd gone through a fair bit of grieving in the last few years. I grieved the person he was before Alzheimer's. But his actual death hit me a lot harder than I expected. Something about feeling his warm hand in mine, such a familiar feeling, broke me.

I have missed him more and more for the last three years, but now there won't be anything physical of him left. I feel constantly sick in the stomach of anxiety.

Does it get better?

It all happened too quickly. My parents and my youngest out of 3 sisters had plans to visit my 1st sister’s graduation at a place 6 hours away from our hometown. My 2nd sister and I stayed back because I had work and she had university classes to attend. I got the call at 5:30AM just as I was about to head to work. My mother told me that my youngest sister is in the emergency zone. She had a high fever, before suddenly having a seizure attack and passing out.

I met up with my 2nd sister and we head there together. We received a heartbreaking call saying that she was unconscious and transferred to ICU to be intubated. The infection was spreading too fast into her organs and they found out that it was Influenza A. From there it went downhill in the span of just two days. She was declared brain dead. Just like that. No last words exchanged between us. Just the last text she sent me saying that she feels sick because of the fever.

She was undiagnosed but I’m pretty sure she exhibited mild signs of autism since she views life in a very straightforward way. Because of that, people naturally gravitate towards her friendly nature and she never had ill intent towards other people. Just a cheerful girl who liked to see people smile. I would always buy gifts for her, and she was the most appreciative. She took celebrations so seriously and never fail to make anyone feel welcomed.

But now she’s gone? Just like that? I miss her dearly. My mother is having it the worst as my youngest never pursued academics and stayed with my late her whole life. I was the one always away for boarding school and now work. Every waking moment I am reminded that I no longer get to see her, or hear her voice and it just destroys me. I feel a lot of things. I wished I did more for her, she had a future ahead of her, a future filled with sunshine. The parcel she ordered arrived before she even got to open them, she bought a new luggage because she wanted to stay with me and now she couldn’t.

I’m clutching the power bank that she gave me for my birthday, my last birthday I got to celebrate with her and i just couldn’t accept it. I don’t know how to navigate this, my heart feels like it’s trapped in a constricting cage riddled with needles. It’s painful.

Lost my brother to suicide.

We grew up together, spent more time together than anyone else on this planet. He was kind, gentle, smart and humorous.

We lived slightly tough when we were teens, survived on benefits and odd jobs.

We eventually got great careers, enough savings not to have to worry about money. He moved overseas for better opportunities, and from occassional calls he seemed to have been doing great.

One day, i get back home and find two police man. My brother passed away, took his own life.

I thought I knew him enough to know to intervene, I was so close to being there around that time. Maybe it could've been different then.

It was my birthday couple days ago, and all i can think about is of him, and all the days he's missed out, and will miss out.

God I miss him.

My father passes away 4 years ago. In five days it’ll be his death anniversary and I still feel the same. I still miss him as much as I did when I first lost him, I actually miss him more. I love him more and I’m feeling more depressed now than before.

The whole ‘time heals everything’ is bullshit. I get worse every single day, losing my father was like losing my whole world. I love my family but we’re not whole without him and the fact that I have to live like this for the rest of my life makes me wanna give up especially when I see all of my friends/ cousins having both of their parents.

I feel like my life is already over, I know it’s not but it’s really hard, I don’t even have someone to talk to about this which is why I’m instead venting to the internet.

Actually I don’t even tell people unless it’s really necessary that my dad died. I don’t want their pity and I don’t want to be known as the girl whose father passed away. I hate it, I hate my reality.

Lost my Grandad on the 21st of this month. Passed holding my hand. Thought I was dealing with it particularly well until today, had to register his passing officially. Seeing his death certificate on the desk really hit home hard. I still cannot process that I’ll never see him again. This is going to be a hard to come back from 💔 I’m heartbroken and lost. My best friend is gone.

Hi all. This is a kind of specific situation & i was wondering if i could get any advice from people on it. Basically my older brother passed away 2 years ago from an od. A few months before he passed he was doing really terribly, he had dropped out of school, was living alone, lost his friends and girlfriend and was just really struggling. You could see it on his face in photos that he was extremely miserable and emaciated.

Me and my dad (besides his new wife/new kids) were his only family. My dad was able to gain access to his phone and in turn now has a lot of his photos.

Every now and then my dad will text me pictures of him that he got from my brothers phone (usually 2-3 years ago today memories that popped up) and a lot of them are just nice pics my brother took but every now and then it will be a selfie or something of my brother taken right before he passed where hes very clearly in the throes of addiction.

Anytime he sends me one of those photos, im going to be completely honest, it ruin my entire day. I can tell how miserable and sad he was but I don’t think my dad sees these photos this way. I think he just sees them as his son but theyre honestly really upsetting to me.

Just today, he sent me 2 selfies of my brother a month before he passed and they genuinely put a pit in my stomach and i had to leave class early because of how depressed it made me.

I feel awful because i know my dad doesn’t see them that way and just wants to share/remember my brother with me since im the only family he has but it’s really affecting my mental health. I love seeing photos and remembering my brother and love seeing all the photos he took on his phone but I don’t like to remember him right before he died.

Not because I didn’t love him, I loved him so much. It’s just so hard for me to see him that way especially knowing how depressed and terrible he felt. I guess im wondering if there’s really any way to navigate this without hurting my dad’s feelings or if I should just try to brush it off when he sends them. If anyone has advice on this please let me know.

I lost my mom about a week ago, exactly 4 months after dad passed away.

Dad was diabetic and had a cardiac arrest.

After dad passed away, I got really worried about mom who had COPD. I took her to our regular pulmonologist and discovered her spo2 had fell to about 89. He ordered some scans and changed her inhaler, and advised to keep a close monitor on spo2.

Then mom started having swollen left leg which she said is likely due to an ankle sprain at yoga. Took her to ortho who did their scans and found nothing and advised rest etc. Not convinced I took her to a medicine doctor again who ordered a lot of blood work and later an echocardiogram. All her tests came almost fine except some UTI and low vitd. Doc asked me to keep working with pulmonologist and monitor BP as well.

I stayed with mom for two months and made sure she's taking her meds and light exercise. Her spo2 climbed up to 94-95 and BP was under 120/80 always. I was happy inside that she's really improving and she herself felt better.

One day during a lunch at a restaurant, my brother left her unattended while she was having her last bite. Waiters rushed to my brother that mom is vomiting water. Brother thought she choked on food, and mom spat out a few stuck bites but collapsed soon after. Rushed her to a close by hospital but was declared brought dead.

My mind keeps going back to her swollen leg and echo test. Kept digging and found a comment in echo report that said we should consider some more tests to rule out heart failure. The doc ignored it, I checked I ran the report through an AI and that ignored it as well. I cannot stop thinking why I didn't took her to a cardiologist and just kept focussing on her other issues.

We became even more close after dad and it sucks now.

I can't bear this regret now.

I loved her so much and just didn't do enough. This is terrible.