It is 6:20 pm right now. My 5 year old son fell asleep in the car ride over to his brother’s tutoring. The tutoring gets out at 7. Dad is traveling for work so I had to bring all the tag alongs with me for brother’s tutoring.

He is still asleep.

Do I:

1. wake him up, knowing he’ll still have over 30 minutes of waiting

2. Let him sleep, knowing this is the devil’s nap?

His 7 year old brother is also here, happily and quietly entertaining himself, if that matters!

I have a 2 year old and an almost one year old. My mil is constantly telling me that I need parenting lessons to deal with my kids.

Today I took them to a Halloween event where they were hanging out candy and decided to give my oldest a few small pieces. She was having fun and she asked for it. I said F it why not. It’s not like I’m giving her the entire bucket. So of course the sugar rush kicked in. All she is doing is running circles around me and her sister. Mil chimes in that I shouldn’t have given her candy and that I need parenting classes on how to handle her. Well Linda she is perfectly okay and if she gets too rowdy I’ll leave with her. Let her be a kid!

This is also the same woman that gave her an ENTIRE cake while she was 6 months old saying that she needed it after I had told her no.

Mil tells me I need parenting classes for literally everything! My toddler is having a tantrum? Parenting classes. She’s stimming? Parenting classes. She is saying only no or only eating one food? Parenting classes.

I finally snapped and told her to mind her own business that I will raise my children as I see fit. It was a couple pieces of candy and she will be fine!

Hi everyone! Kind of a vent - but also looking for advice on how others in a similar phase of life handle this topic. Now that my oldest is in grade school I’m facing a new dilemma that I’ve never had to worry about before. I’ve always prided myself on the fact that we ALWAYS show up for kids when invited to a birthday party unless we have something else going on. I’m trying to raise “we show up for others” humans in a world where so many people don’t prioritize others, and hearing stories about kids who were so excited for their parties but then had barely anyone show up really gets to me.

With that said, I’m overwhelmed. Since school started in we’ve been invited to and attended 4 classmate birthday parties. We also have had 3 of our adult friends’ kids birthday parties, 2 of my daughter’s friends from preschool, and 3 neighbor kids who are around the same age. In the past 6 weeks alone we’ve had 8 birthday parties, and 2 more coming up over the next 2 weekends. Since Friday after school we’ve received 2 MORE invites. I’m burnt out and feel like every single weekend is accounted for with birthday parties, and I think I have to adjust the mindset that I’ve always had about showing up but it’s making me feel SO guilty.

I guess I’m just looking for input from others who share my mindset, because the “you don’t owe anyone your presence” type of advice is the exact opposite of how my conscience works, and is not valid advice in my mind lol. I’m always honored to be included and want to continue treating invites that way, but I have to draw a line somewhere and I don’t know where to draw it - because all of these people are important to us in different ways. I’m so grateful that our circle has grown since having kids but I’m really missing the days when my oldest was a baby/toddler and our circle was much smaller. Where do you draw the line when it gets to be WAY too much?

Hi! So we are doing an experience based birthday for our kid, and I don't want to do a goodie bag/take away gift. My reasoning is that the experience itself is the gift. If I were throwing it at a park or our house, I could see doing them, but not where we are going? After talking with extended family, they basically said it was very rude not to thank guests with a gift of their own.

If you were an attendee at a party hosted at places like the movies, a small theme park, or Sky Zone (just to name a few), would you be disappointed to not get a gift? Thank you!

How old is too old to trick or treat? The last time I went trick or treating was in 7th grade in a friends neighborhood, and then once just for fun in high school friends and I stopped at teachers houses in the surrounding neighborhoods. We only went to see three teachers because we thought the teachers would appreciate the visit.

My kids stopped being interested in trick or treating before sixth grade. I never mentioned it to them, they just weren’t interested. Now my one has a friend who trick or treats in high school. Suddenly there is renewed interest in it and I personally haven’t had any kids older than early middle school come to my door (mostly girls) so I’m wondering what other parents are thinking as far as trick or treating age goes!

Edit: thank you for all the comments! Helped me see things a little differently!

Our 5-year-old started kindergarten in August and things are not going well. Academically he is doing well. He’s made friends and likes his teacher and school overall. His behavior is becoming a problem though. At a parent-teacher conference a couple of weeks ago we were told that he’s doing great but needs to focus on listening and not talking over the teacher.

He’s in an after-school program and it has been going terribly. He does have some good days, but his behavior has been a major issue from day one. There were a couple of kids who were physically bullying him when he first started and he would retaliate by pushing and hitting them. We had many talks with him about how he needs to tell an adult when this happens so they can handle the situation. I talked to staff at the after-school program and let them know that he was getting picked on. They told him that they were sorry it was happening, and that they would help but he needed to let them know. This basically went in one ear and out the other, and he ended up getting a one-day suspension from the after-school program due to this and some other bad behavior. He saw how upset his mom and I were and we had a serious discussion with him. He seemed to take it to heart.

After that, for several weeks, when he got bullied by these kids he would tell an adult and they would help. The bullying eventually stopped and he did have a few incidents but nothing physical and more like not listening, not keeping his hands to himself, and potty talk. The staff told us that when there’s an issue they talk to him and he seems to understand what he’s doing wrong. Whenever he gets in trouble he faces consequences at home (time out, no TV for the night, etc.).

Last week he had a nuclear meltdown at bedtime, which is a rare occurrence. It started with not wanting to go to bed and eventually escalated to him screaming, hitting us, throwing things, and crying uncontrollably until he nearly made himself throw up. He has an old tablet with some ABC Mouse educational games that he is allowed to use from time to time, MAYBE once a month. He had been using his tablet that day for a couple hours so that was involved in the meltdown. That is put up indefinitely. After he calmed down we had a talk with him, and I had told him that I didn’t want to hear a single thing about his behavior the rest of the week.

The next day I went to pick him up and I found out he was suspended again for a day. He was pushing other kids on the way to the after-school program. He was asked to stop and seemed to understand but kept doing it. He also splashed water on the bathroom floor and on the other kids, and ended up pinching someone which left a mark. He was grounded for a full week, sent to his room, and his mother and I both had very long individual talks with him, then talked to him together. He was told that he needs to apologize to the kids involved with the incident, the adults (when his suspension is over). At the end of the night I told him that I didn’t want to hear about another bad day this week. He’s in Scouts and I told him that if he gets in trouble again he isn’t going to the event they are having this weekend (trip to a local wilderness center).

The day after that, at school, a girl stepped on his fingers and rather than tell the teacher he hit her. He apologized to the girl, the teacher talked to him, and she informed us of the situation. We had another talk with him, more days were added to the grounding, and he was told that he was staying home from the Scouts event this past weekend. That triggered another meltdown, although he came around to accepting the consequences.

Fast forward to today. He got into it with one of the bullies and they started swinging at each other. Both of them ended up suspended for 2 days.

My wife and I are at our wits end with this. We are stressed, I’m sad, and she can’t stop crying. She blames herself, thinks she is failing as a parent. We have talked with him until our jaws hurt and we just can’t seem to get through to him. The grounding and consequences aren’t working. He tells us that he can’t help getting in trouble, that he doesn’t mean to be bad. He always promises that he’s going to have a better day the next day and then something happens. I have gotten to the point where I dread picking him up from the after-school program because I am expecting to hear that he’s gotten into trouble or is getting suspended again.

Something has changed in him since he started kindergarten. I’m not sure if it’s adjusting to public school, as he was raised in Mennonite daycare/preschool from the day he was born. He did get into trouble at preschool but nothing like this, and no more than the other kids there. At preschool there also weren’t as many consequences, each day was a new beginning, so I’m sure that plays into it. I’m not sure if he’s learning/copying bad behavior from other students.

He’s in a program with the school counselor for kids who have a hard time adjusting to kindergarten, where students can learn as a group to manage their feelings and come up with better coping skills. I am also going to have a talk with the after-school program about his behavior and see if they have resources for us to look into. I am also considering looking into a child counselor to see if it would help.

Can anyone relate? Does anyone have advice?

My father and I are both combat veteran U.S. Marines, and I don’t talk about any of that and it’s not really part of my life.

Now my 6yo daughter’s kindergarten is having a “Veterans’ Breakfast,” which my father will want to attend because he’s one of those really proud guys with Marine Corps colors and emblems on everything he owns and wears.

I’m kind of at a loss how to explain to her what a veteran is without explaining what the military is, which basically leads to “there’s this thing called war, people do awful things to each other, people kill each other, I’ve killed people who were trying to kill me, they killed my friends though,” etc.

When I was growing up, it was always treated like a pre-destined thing that I’m going to join the military, what I wanted had very little to do with anything. In fact, I chose to join the toughest branch for the toughest and most dangerous job, specifically so I could do one enlistment and get out and never have to hear about it from another family member ever again.

I have deliberately not told my kids about it except things like “I once had a job where I lived outside all the time” and “I once had a job where I traveled on a ship and went all over the world.” I asked my daughter what she knows about soldiers and she said “nothing.”

I’m sure my kids have probably seen some tv violence etc. because their mother has no problem watching horror shows and stuff with the kids around, but I also tell them regularly that anything you see on a screen isn’t real, and/or a screen can show you anything, real or fake.

How much do I tell a 6yo about the bad that’s real?

Hi all,

Looking for some advice!

My daughter is 11, turning 12, and has a small friend group at Primary School made up of five girls and one boy.

They’ve been a little posse of quirky kids for about four years now and have had their ups and downs with the usual jealousy and disagreements, but they’ve always come out the other side and stayed firm friends.

With high school next year, I know things will obviously change, but at the moment they’re all still very innocent. I’m 100% confident it would just be a night of pizza, lollies and scary stories. I’m also a vigilant parent and would make sure everyone was safe & happy.

The boy is particularly close to my daughter. He’s been away on weekends with us, we’ve been to concerts together, and we’re good friends with his parents. I’m not quite as close with the other parents, but I know them well enough.

My daughter wants to have a sleepover for her 12th birthday. She sees absolutely nothing wrong with him sleeping over, and honestly, neither do I. However, I do wonder whether some of the other parents might feel differently.

How shoud i handle this?

Would you ask the other girls’ parents first to see how they feel about it, or would you just invite everyone and make it clear from the outset that a boy will be sleeping over too?

I don’t want to make it into a bigger deal than it needs to be, but I also don’t want to put any of the other parents in an uncomfortable position.

Thanks!

Omg! I love him to bits, and I am thankful he is finally using his words, singing, counting, etc., but from morning to night, it's NON-STOP LOL.

I try to tell him to "ssssh" sometimes, just to give my brain a break, but that results in screaming. Omg his scream is insane. It literally hurts my ears, I think that's why my ears have been ringing lately.

He only ever does it at home thankfully, not once in public (yet, never say never!) but holy schmoly. It's like a pterodactyl. I always try to correct his behavior when he screams, and he's slowly getting it, but not fast enough for my eardrums

Does anyone else have a 2.5 year old who will not stop talking at home? I know there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it, but I want to feel like I am not alone 😆

I am nearing the end of my maternity leave and actively engaged in the childcare search for my little one, who will be about six months when I return to work. I am curious about what other parents are finding re: screen time at daycares. We visited a place close to home and while I liked a number of things, I didn’t like how two classrooms (albeit, not infants) were engaged in TV and iPad while we visited. Is it unreasonable to expect zero screen time at daycares unless you do high end Montessori?

We are trying very hard for baby to be screen free at least for first two years, but it also feels weird to pay for someone else to entertain our kid with devices when I could do that for free while working from home.

Edited to add: When we asked about the screens, we received a non-definitive answer about how often they were used, something along the lines of “occasionally the teachers will show a clip with…” One group of 3-4 year olds was following along to a Blippi-like video on a 80 inch TV and a group of 2-3 year olds was all huddled around an iPad watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse. I was ensured that the infant room has no screens.

My twelve year old couldn’t find the switch at 7 AM this morning so he called and texted his 15 yo sister. Since she had do not disturb on, and since our family shares location, he decided to try “find my iPhone” and her phone woke her up in a fit of rage.

I began my day explaining why using the find my feature when his sister is asleep is not a good idea.

Obviously something my parents never had to deal with.

What are some other contemporary parent problems? Let’s keep this fun, maybe a bit of venting, but not a thread to analyze society or anything like that.

I have to kids 5 and 2. they both love books and being read to and it’s been my greatest joy and scouting new books for them might be my favorite hobby.

They have separate bedtimes and I read to each of them every single night. My 2 year old obviously reads different books than my 5 year old although it’s now finally possible to read some picture books they both enjoy and we do that at different times during the day. With my 5 year old, we read both picture and chapter books. I wonder about additional fixed reading routines throughout the day. Aka this is when I read the current chapter book, this is our together reading time etc etc.

How do you do it?

Trip revolving around preteen girl

I have a little sister that is 7 (I’m 30). She was obviously my “first” baby, but I’ve had 2 boys in the last 3 years. I want to take her to do something fun & centered around her. What are some things your preteen girl enjoys? Im not against turning it into a 1 night trip but something we could make a day out of would be great.

I want something different than your typical “eat lunch & get our nails done”

My husband and I are living in Scandinavia, we're both immigrants coming from two different countries with good jobs, that are fairly flexible. We have a 2 year old daughter and I feel like the current day to day is so so exhausting. I am scared of burning out but also feel like it is just not an option anymore.

I find going to the office every day exhausting, because our daughter still wakes up at night. I find the afternoons exhausting because of managing household and a very willfull toddler in the stage where everything is a battle. My husband and I are very good at splitting tasks, we're just both so tired. We have no family close by to help and we have also flown to our home countries several times already because we want our daughter to have a good relationship with our families. This in itself has been so tiring, as well as the guilt of raising her far away from loved ones.

At the same time, I feel like we have it easier than many other parents - only one child, she goes to, preschool 8.30am-4.00pm Monday to Friday, I work 90% so leave the office at 3 every day, my husband is wfh and very flexible. Work culture is extremely family friendly, so sick days and leaving early for different appointments is super ok. We have a nanny that comes twice a week for two hours and friends that occasionally watch our daughter.

I guess I'm asking - will this feeling ever get better? At any given time if you ask me what I want to do, I would say: "Go in bed and sleep for a week".

Edit: forgot to add our daughter is in preschool on work days.

My 4yr old daughter has long hair to about mid back. She doesn’t want to cut it because “it’s long and beautiful like a princess” and honestly I love it to. BUT it is so so so fine. She’s got a lot of it but each strand is like spider silk fine. It’s so slippery.

So my issue is, normal cloth like hair ties that don’t have a central rubber band hold for all of 2 seconds. I currently use the typical tiny rubber bands but they knot in her hair so bad. My hair ties, the black wrapped rubber bands will also slip but not as bad as the others. The slinky ones that look like part of a keychain, disaster.

She still gets a short nap at daycare and she sleeps like a crazy person so at the end of the day there’s just a mass of knots all over her head. A half up half down is a disaster zone by the end of the day. The rubber bands still slip a little braids work..kinda but she has differing lengths of hair so pieces fall out and then those get knotted.

I’m looking for recommendations on hair ties and hair styles that parents of other kiddos with long fine hair use to mitigate the knotting. TIA 🙏🏼

Hello all! I am looking for the best convertible, and preferably swivel, car seat for going behind a tall driver!

We drive a '24 Subaru Outback. My husband is 6'4 and so he has to have the seat set pretty far back. I'm the main driver and only 5'3, but I'd like to find a car seat that will fit behind the driver even when my husband drives.

My son is a big baby, 26in and 20lbs at 4 months, so we also need a seat that can fit a large child!

Please let me know any car seats to avoid and any you love!

Thank you!

Any fun game ideas for my daughter’s 7th birthday party?

For our sins, we’re hosting it at home, so I’m trying to come up with some games to keep everyone entertained. I’ve got some laser lights and a fog machine ready to set the mood.

There’ll be plenty of dancing, but I’d love to mix in a few team games that get the kids working together.

Would love to hear your ideas. Wish us luck!

I swear almost every night I wake up just 2 minutes before the baby monitor goes off. My baby is 6 months and in his own nursery 😅 anyone else??

I'm an awful role model, I swear a lot, used to be "not-sober" , get away with at least one misdemeanor a day.. but I think I have a pretty good handle on how to teach my son what life's all about because he trusts and loves me. that being said, how do I present myself at confrences? being involved is very important to me and I want to come across as a good parent. I baked cookies but then thought about how different things are from when I was a kid and thought maybe I shouldn't even bother bringing them. I'm nervous if you cant tell

We are HARDCORE in the threenager years, and whew…..this morning broke me a little. We got in the car to go to school, and I spent the whole drive crying. Not because of one specific thing, but because it feels like it’s all piling up at once.

The “I want eggs!” followed by refusing to eat the eggs. The rough days at school where he struggles to listen to his teacher. The hitting when he gets mad. And yes, I know impulse control is still a work in progress at this age. I get down on his level, remind him that it’s okay to be mad but it’s not okay to hit, and tell him he can scream it out if he needs to. Then there’s the occasional “I don’t like you,” which, oof…..that one hurts more than I’d like to admit.

And don’t even get me started on the battle to get shoes on and get out the door almost every single morning.

I KNOW this is a stage. I know he’s learning, testing boundaries, and figuring out how to manage big feelings in a little body. I know we’re doing our best to handle it the right way: staying calm, modeling the behavior we want to see, checking ourselves before reacting, and offering limited choices so he can have some control where it makes sense.

But man, knowing all of that doesn’t make it any less exhausting sometimes.

This morning was just HARD. And I think I needed to cry and let it out.

I know it will pass, but today was a rough start to a Monday. ❤️

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has cried in the car after a morning with their threenager. I could really use some solidarity today. 😅

When did your kid stop being picky, how did you help them or did it just go away? My 24 month old has stopped eating almost anything thats not sweet or bland and im stuck between not trying to make eating stressful/pressure and not letting him get stuck with a limited pallet of processed foods. So just looking for advice/what to expect.

I only have 2 kids, ages 1 and 4, but it feels like I have a thousand kids. The 1 year old needs a lot of supervision and the 4 year old wants my attention every moment that his eyes are open. I feel like I'm letting him down because I have to spend a lot of time making sure baby doesn't die and can't give him the quality attention he wants.

Someone is ALWAYS asking me something, or needs something, or wants me to look at something, or wants me to entertain them. I was originally hoping for 3 kids but at this rate I feel like my brain might explode if I had one more thing vying for my attention.

Are people who can handle more than 2 kids truly just a different breed? When does it get easier??

I can’t stop hyper fixating on what happened during family photos today. My 3 year old daughter asked me (29f) if I had another baby in my belly. I was wearing a more form fitting sweater dress so maybe that’s why? Idk, doesn’t matter. My immediate response was “nope, just fat” instead of saying something like “no I’m not” and adding something along the lines of “you shouldn’t ever assume people have babies in their bellies because it might just be how their body is made”.

A little bit of background; I have an immune disease and it has been exacerbated by pregnancy/ delivery of our 10 month old, causing me to be on extremely high doses of steroids. I’ve actually gained weight since the birth of our baby and it has really taken a toll on me mentally.

I just feel so stupid for saying something negative about my self image to my daughter because I never want her to stand in front of a mirror and pick out all her imperfections.

sigh lesson learned

Dear All,

I'm first time parent and hope that this topic is appropriate. Overall, I try to stay informed by reading but getting some direct feedback is always appreciated.

Our son (15 months) is a bit on the smaller and delicate side. Overall he seems to adapt well when playing with others, sharing toys and being curious. This was also echoed by the staff of the daycare, he seems to be very low maintenance and easy going with others.

We arrange a lot of play dates with our extended family, our son has a toddler cousin of 16 months. So they are more or less growing up together. That said, his cousin is quite a unit physically speaking and is used to receiving a lot of attention as he more or less dictates all his needs to my in-laws. That said, I don't want to interpret or object to much in regards to how they raise their child but they're very much helicopter-parents or paranoid parents.

During our recent playdates, his cousin always attempted to forcefully grab our toys that he picks up. He also tried to push him off the baby-walker and our bobby car. I must admit that I was a bit taken aback how he tried to push him off the car, at times his cousin just forces himself to sit in the car while our son is still on it, resulting in minor incidents that are not always nice to witness as a parent. I guess our son isn't yet so protective but it's always very annoying to see how everything is being taken away from him or not shared.

It's clear that children have to be educated to respect others and to share things, including their boundaries. That said, I'm not sure how to handle this situation at the moment. When an incident occurs, I'm breaking it up and trying to tell them that they need to share and be mindful but I just want to do it in the best way possible. At least, I try to explain it and ensure that things can be shared.

I'm also a bit vigilant as my in-laws don't seem to be as bothered by it. Their overparenting did cause some chagrin in the past, so I believe that I'm a bit more irritated by their passive nature in this particular context. In addition, our daycare warned us that our son could be subject of being mishandled because he usually is compliant or not as bothered.

To conclude, I'm just wondering how to approach this behavior. I'm very socially aware of dynamics and I've been victim myself which resulted in me being pushed around as a kid. Luckily, I worked on it as an adult but it's all very confusing with children.