Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months now. She posted a screenshot on TikTok of a text I sent her the last time I reached out. The text said “ can you give me a call please” I last reached out 2 weeks ago after seeing her in public for the first time since we broke up. She’s posted about me on social media multiple times since the breakup including making a whole TikTok about ignoring me. It hurts really bad seeing her use my hurt for content and that she thinks it’s funny. But at the same time it’s helping me move on because I’m realizing that I’ll never give her the relationship a chance in the future again now because I don’t want to be with someone that immature and petty.

Weve been broken up for a few months and she decided to talk to me on my birthday. Its been painful for me especially with how much i cared for her. But this is bothersome. Am i crazy? Or is she a conpletely crimson red flag now??

Do yall think about how your ex feels?
People who move on quickly after a breakup, can I genuinely ask you something? Do you ever stop to think about how the other person feels, especially when you know they are still not over you? Do you ever wonder how much your actions might hurt someone who once loved you with everything they had?
My ex-boyfriend (22M) and I were together for 1 year and 7 months. We broke up about two months ago, and we have been in no contact for three weeks. He has now gotten into a new relationship, and honestly, I don’t even know how to process it.
I’m not saying he has no right to move on. I understand that we are broken up, and he is free to make his own choices. I know I cannot expect him to wait for me, and I don’t want to control his life. But I genuinely cannot understand how someone can share so much of their life with another person and then seemingly move on to someone new in such a short time.

I miss my ex boyfriend. Not the idea of him, not the idea of a relationship, not the feeling of having someone around. I miss that person, deeply. My feelings are real and valid. You trying to tell me that I don't, doesn't change any of that. I miss him.

Just because he ended the relationship, that doesn't mean that I just stopped loving or missing him. It doesn't make him a bad person. It doesn't take away from what we had and my feelings. And it doesn't suddenly change everything about that relationship, that it doesn't deserve to be mourned, loved or missed. People in this sub trying to dictate how I feel is getting ridiculous.

You wouldn't tell someone who had a loved one suddenly die, "you don't miss that person, you just miss the idea/memory of them". Yea, a breakup isn't the same as a death but someone suddenly leaving your life, especially with no warning, is never easy and you miss them.

I can miss my fucking ex. You can miss your ex. People can miss their ex. Don't try to invalidate their feelings or "try to make them feel better" by telling them how they feel. Let people feel what they need to to heal. Fuck.

My first relationship ended because the person I loved had grown emotionally exhausted. Months before our breakup, he had already become distant. The affection in his messages slowly faded, he stopped sharing the little details of his day, and I no longer felt like I was part of his life the way I used to be.

I tried to understand him. I knew he was struggling with work and with life in general, and I wanted to be someone he could lean on through those difficult times. I was willing to work things out, to be patient, and to face those challenges with him. But somewhere along the way, I think he had gradually given up on us. He said he didn’t want me to get caught up in his problems, and eventually, he chose to let go.

I accepted his decision, even though I wished we had chosen to work through things together.

This experience taught me that love is a choice. Love is not just about the feelings we have for someone, but also about the willingness to show up, communicate, and work through difficult seasons together. Sometimes, two people can still love each other, yet only one is willing to keep trying.

I learned that I can understand someone’s struggles without being able to save the relationship. I can love someone deeply and still have to accept that they no longer want to continue. No matter how willing I am to fight for us, I cannot make that choice on behalf of another person.

Perhaps the hardest lesson was realizing that love alone isn’t always enough when the willingness to keep choosing each other is no longer mutual.

He made his decision, and I have accepted it. I can honor the love we shared without continuing to wait for him. Our relationship may be over, but the lessons I learned from loving him will stay with me.

Almost four weeks out of a breakup with someone I genuinely thought I’d spend my life with. We had been friends for many years before becoming a couple.
The last few weeks have been brutal. I cried, begged, questioned my worth, replayed every conversation, blamed myself, and desperately hoped he’d change his mind.

I completely lost my appetite, barely slept, and honestly couldn’t imagine feeling happy again.
But something strange happened today.
I woke up and went to work. I laughed. I actually enjoyed my day. I ate properly for the first time in weeks.

And for the first time, I caught myself thinking that maybe I’m actually better off without my ex.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on our relationship lately, and I’m starting to recognize how much anxiety I lived with. The constant fear of saying the wrong thing, the arguments, the emotional ups and downs, the feeling that I was never quite enough.

I loved him deeply. I still do. But I’m beginning to understand that loving someone doesn’t necessarily mean they were good for you. I don’t know how I’ll feel tomorrow. Maybe I’ll cry again. Maybe I’ll miss him terribly. Healing isn’t linear, and I’m definitely not over him.

But today, for a few hours, I wasn’t waiting for a message. I wasn’t wondering what he was doing or whether he missed me. I was just living my life.
And after almost a month of feeling like my world had ended, that little glimpse of happiness felt pretty damn amazing. Maybe I’m finally starting to come back to myself. Just wanted to share a little hope with anyone who’s still in those horrible first weeksn.

Iv always hated regret. And im devastated to say this is one il never move on from in this lifetime. She was perfect, beyond. And i took that for granted. I diddnt matter what the situation was, i should have been there for HER, not the situation. And now iv lost her , her trust, her love, a chance to ever hear her laughter. Her smile intoxicated me, now it will haunt me. If you are reading this Z, I’m so sorry. Keep you people close everyone, i used to have so many people to turn to, now that shes gone, i look around and realise, iv lost everyone. Iv never been more alone in my life. My hearts hollow. I miss my mano.

almost 4 years together. he moves out tomorrow. i was pathetic. i begged and cried so hard that i threw up. i had a mental breakdown at work and almost went to the hospital to keep myself safe.
i’ve never felt a heartbreak like this. i don’t know how to survive this

I loved him. I still do. I think I always will. And you know what? Maybe that’s okay. I’m just curious to know, when will it stop hurting? It’s been months.

my ex decided she wanted to end things after an argument that in my opinion could’ve been solved.

for context, we had been dating for over a year and we were doing long distance. she’s been through a lot and always found it difficult communicating openly, and i’d have to get it out of her after hours of asking her why she’s hurt or mad.

now i genuinely believe that i’ve been nothing but sweet to her and put in a lot of effort for her. i’ve always tried to be understanding even at times where it was acceptable for me to get mad. i was extremely gentle and respectful.

now i’m not saying i was perfect, i’ve made my fair share of silly mistakes that i did take accountability for and put an effort to change, but i’ve never done something horrible that justified ending things. it’d always be small things.

there were times that she would take days just to feel better after petty arguments. she did mention how she’s trying to change that, and i’ve always been supportive of that without overreacting.

a while ago, she got mad at me for something and was distant for a couple of days. i apologized and reassured her that i’d work on it. i took accountability.

she then proceeded to pull the exact same thing that she got mad at me for, which irritated me. i brought it up and she got offended and got mad at me again. we had an argument and she just decided that she was done and wanted to break up. (this isn’t the first time she suggested breaking up over an argument that could be solved)

this time, i didn’t stop her. i think it’s extremely disrespectful to bring up a breakup multiple times over tiny things that could be worked on.

so we did break up. i’m genuinely confused and mad as to why it was so easy for her to end things when i’d try to fight for it no matter how hard it got.

There’s a chance you’ve seen me on here before - you can tell by the 1% poster tag (nearly solely achieved through my misery…) that my break-up was horrible.

It was a long term relationship - a massive chunk of my life - and it was devastating. I was blindsighted, and absolutely destroyed. Not only did my ex break my heart, but he acted absolutely nasty afterwards… even to the extent of putting me in danger.

I was being abused, and he left me to the mercy of my abuser. I’ve dealt with crippling depression for much of my life, as well - I wrote my suicide note, planned it, and nearly went through with it, because of this breakup.

If anyone else is in that place? I believe in you. You’re strong, and it’s ok to be tired of being strong. But you deserve love. And you will find it, in many forms.

The pain felt like it would last forever - and because I’m such a deeply feeling person (for better or for worse… mostly for worse), I thought it really would for me. I genuinely cried for hours each day… for around 4 damn months.

It wasn’t a switch, but it eventually began to sting a little less. I became a little more able to sit with my own thoughts alone. And I’m still hurt, but I feel like a person again. And that’s a win.

No, it’s not perfect. God, it’s still far from it, let’s be realistic. But I have found so much joy. I’ve put my energy and love into other people around me, to the things I love, in any way I can. It’s fucking hard - especially with everything else - but I am proud of what I’ve done for other people. And I’m proud of what I’ve done for myself.

Be proud of yourself too.

I'm 29M. I met my ex-wife in May 2017, married her in December 2018, and our divorce was finalized earlier this month. We spent almost nine and a half years together, nearly eight of those married. I found out about her infidelity a little over four months ago, and it's been one hell of an emotional roller coaster since.

And it wasn't just the two of us. She had a young son when we met, and I helped raise him for almost nine years. We were a family. I had a wife, a child I was raising, a home, and an entire life built around the three of us.

But something has changed drastically over the last week or two. I went from constantly ruminating, dealing with intrusive thoughts, and feeling overwhelmed by everything that happened to suddenly realizing that I genuinely feel indifferent toward her. I don't hate her, I don't miss her, and I don't want her back. It's almost like my mind finally decided to let go.

But here's the strange part. That realization brought a completely different kind of sadness.

I started thinking about how almost nine and a half years of my life, of having a wife, raising a child, being a family, sharing a home, routines, holidays, memories, and an entire life together, now feel like nothing more than a distant dream. Almost like none of it ever happened.

And it's honestly such a crazy, sad feeling.

It wasn't just a relationship that ended. It was an entire family dynamic, an entire way of living. For years, I came home to a wife and a child. There were everyday routines, family moments, responsibilities, and memories that made up my entire world. And now, looking back, all of it feels so distant that sometimes it's hard to believe that was actually my life.

I'm not sad because I want her back. I'm sad because it's heartbreaking to think that so many years of your life can eventually feel like they never even existed.

It's strange what the mind does as we heal and move forward. And it's equally strange how life can take something that was once such a huge part of your world and turn it into a distant memory.

I guess I'm realizing that sometimes healing comes with its own kind of sadness. Not sadness over wanting the relationship back, but sadness over realizing that an entire chapter of your life, an entire family life, is truly gone.

Has anyone else experienced this? That strange feeling where you're finally over the person, but looking back at all those years, the family you had, and the life you built feels like remembering a dream you woke up from?

I read a lot of these posts and I feel like there’s something different about how I’m processing this break up. It happened a month ago and I haven’t a single second of like “is this the right choice?” Or missing him. I feel mad. Like actually mad. I’m so angry that he chose his avoidance and shame over me. I’m so angry he knew that he was making me miserable and still did it. I’m so angry he always chose to defend his intent over just seeing me as the girl he loves (allegedly) expressing a need. He kept me at arms length and now can’t understand how I’m so good without him, not realizing that he quite literally showed me how to be without him. I spent so much time in that relationship feeling so alone. He could only show up for me as long as I wasn’t upset about something he did.

I spent so much time biting my tongue because he was so quick to say I’m starting an argument or tone police me. If he reaches out now I just get so angry and want to let out all the things I never said. That makes me EVEN MORE MAD because when I’m mad suddenly he becomes calm, like he’s so mature and then I look like I’m the crazy one

When?

My ex and I were together for several years, and I genuinely thought we’d get married. Toward the end, he became extremely avoidant, stopped initiating affection or quality time, and whenever I brought up issues, he’d say he couldn’t deal with them because he was too stressed (he did have a hard life and dealt with a lot of family pressures).

He eventually broke up with me, repeatedly insisting he didn’t love me enough and that I should move on and find someone else. I was devastated. I fought for our relationship and literally begged him to try, I was ready to be there for him through every hard chapter. But he made me feel unloved and disposable.

For months, I cried myself to sleep, prayed we’d find our way back, checked my phone constantly, and could barely function. I was in therapy twice a week and sometimes couldn’t even bring myself to go to work.

Eventually, about four months after the breakup, I went on vacation. For the first time in months, I was distracted and wasn’t thinking about him 24/7. I felt normal again. While I was there, I met someone and slept with him. It was a meaningless. Part of me genuinely wanted the experience, and part of me was trying to escape the heartbreak. I enjoyed it in the moment, but afterward, I realized casual sex isn’t really for me and isn’t something I’d choose to repeat.

Five months post-breakup, my ex reached out saying he missed me and was hurting. When we met to talk, he admitted that telling me he didn’t love me enough had been an intentional lie. He claimed he wanted me to hate him so it would be easier for him to leave without guilt.

Then, he told me he imagined getting his life together and eventually winning me back in the future. He hoped I might still be there waiting, even though he never communicated that. For once, in months, I felt hope and a sense of relief.

But then, when he found out I’d slept with someone on vacation, he flipped. He said he didn’t think I was "the type of person" to sleep with someone random, and threw it in my face that I was "having fun" while he was hurting. After giving him my loyalty for YEARS, it felt like blatant slut-shaming.

When I pointed out that I had watched him go out with other people and assumed he was moving on just like he told me to, his response was:
“Well, I didn’t. I still love you.”
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?

He literally told me to my face that he didn't love me enough and instructed me to find someone else. He never once asked me to wait or hinted that he wanted to reconcile. If he had simply been honest and said, “I love you, but I need time to sort my life out, so please don't see anyone else,” I would have gladly waited. Instead, he chose to break my heart with a lie.

I understand that retroactive jealousy stings, and he’s entitled to feel uncomfortable. But he ended our relationship, told me to move on, and is now treating me like damaged goods???!

Am I wrong for feeling like this is INSANELY unfair? How was I supposed to honor an unspoken loyalty test he never communicated, especially after he explicitly told me he didn't love me?

It has been Over 8 months since I ended my 5 month relationship with this guy. He came back a month ago only to get my hopes up and followed through on nothing.

During those 8 months and even now I haven’t talked to anyone else but I want love so badly. I want to love and take care of someone but every time I do I end up feeling super guilty. And sad. He was the epitome of beauty for me, he was my ideal guy, but his behavior wasn’t.

I just want to know if my nervous system will ever accept I’m not cheating on him. Or that he’s never going to be mine again.

I find guys so beautiful but it’s just when I attempt to connect with someone I feel like crying. Should I push through? It’s been plenty of time. I met my ex a year ago already.

It's been interesting to realize that healing isn't always about crying less or thinking about your ex less. Sometimes it's noticing that you enjoyed an entire afternoon without checking your phone, or that you laughed at something and didn't immediately feel sad afterward.

I imagine everyone has a different timeline. Some people feel better after a few weeks, while others need months or longer to feel comfortable with their lives again.

For those who have been through a difficult breakup, when did you first notice that you were genuinely starting to feel like yourself again?

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago. I haven't thought about her much because I honestly felt awful already. I have a lot of problems and my mental health is at rock bottom. For the first time in maybe our entire relationship, I seriously asked her for help. I needed her close by; I needed her because sometimes I thought horrible things.

I took care of her, I carried her for 9 months, during which I helped her not to drop out of university, I helped her with everything: food, studies, money, time, emotional support. I did everything, but when she recovered and didn't need help anymore, she left.

They don't know how angry that makes me, how angry I am to know that she still lives because of me, that she still studies because of me, it was because of me that she did so many things and when my mom got sick, when I got sick, that's when I realized that in her eyes I had no right to feel bad.

She blamed me for being harassed, she blamed me for cheating on her when I didn't even talk to other women because I knew how she would react, I was studying, I supported her and she told me "you never change", It was all my damn fault, apparently.

Even when I wasn't doing anything to get other women's attention, she would tell me that I was doing it to make her jealous, all while she was posting revealing photos. It was all my damn fault and now I feel angry at everything. My mom might have cancer, my life falls apart every day when I see her and it's horrible, I feel used by her. I changed so much to be with her, and it was never enough, never sufficient for her, even when I decided to dress differently so no one would see me. And in the end, I just got depressed and she left.

I think I should thank her

I (29F) had my boyfriend (29M) break up with me at the end of June, after a long period where we had a lot of problems. Admittedly I've tried to break up with him a few times, because of issues we'd been having.

During a couple of our breaks I did briefly entertain other men on two occasions. Both of them were people who approached me in real life, and I never initiated anything. The first time I did actually break up with my boyfriend because I wanted a fling with the other guy, but it was a sexual attraction and nothing else (and he threatened to kill himself when he found out). In both cases, we just flirted for a bit via message/call and then it fizzled out, we never went on any dates. In both instances the flirtation lasted around 2 weeks or less.

When my boyfriend and I got back together, I was honest with him about what had happened with these guys. I wasn't ever romantically interested in them, it was a mixture of physical attraction and the dopamine hit of getting attention, which made me feel momentarily better amid the turbulence of our relationship issues.

My boyfriend framed both of these instances as cheating and said I wasn't loyal. He also said our breakups hadn't been mutual, that he would never break up with me and that even if we weren't talking to each other, he'd expect that we wouldn't entertain others.

Fast forward to June when he broke up with me, he told me explicitly in the breakup call that he wouldn't move on, that he wanted to be with me and he loved me, and he hoped I would work on my issues. 2 weeks later I found out he was talking to another girl.

In September he came back saying he'd made a terrible mistake and he still loved me and asking to get back together. I asked what happened with the other girl and he claimed he'd met her at an event and they'd met up a few times again but nothing happened. 3 weeks later, he admitted he had been using Bumble even before our breakup, that he'd dated this girl for 3 months and had slept with her twice. To clarify, we were in a very rocky patch and were not communicating, but he had never actually told me that he thought we were broken up.

He's now crying every time we talk, saying he can't live with himself for what he did to me, saying he cheated on me, claiming he never stopped loving me but also saying he liked this girl and enjoyed spending time with her... I just don't get it.

This feels in a very different caliber to my interactions with other men, because I didn't seek those out, I clearly outlined boundaries, and we never even went on any dates, let alone had physical contact. Whereas he's actively sought out this person, broke up with me so that he could date her, and had some kind of emotional investment in her.

I guess I just don't understand? Why would you move on so fast?

10months later, after ending 4yrs with the person I thought was my future, I still miss her now and then despite everything.

So much has happened this year for me, and especially lately a lot of crazy things that I’ve really missed having her shoulder to cry on or go to when times are rough. Thankfully my therapist has been here through the last 3 years but it’s tough.

Two months ago my mom had a stroke, thankfully it was minor, but she could’ve had it way worse. I live alone with her and most of my immediate family is a 3hr flight away. This happened while I was just beginning school again, pursuing nursing and taking my prerequisites. Then my grandma broke her wrist soon after, and she’s already a handful with her dementia and being stuck home, and now my grandpa nearly died this month in the ICU and somehow survived! But with all these health problems now my mom and I will be moving them and ourselves states away and I’ll be leaving the home I’ve known for all 26yrs of my life, to be around my mom’s siblings and my cousin, incase anything more happens we’ll all be together and have more access to support each other.

Yet even after that I still find myself on nights like tonight missing her. Our best moments, her kindness, her fun and uplifting parts. I miss the future I thought I’d be building with her, moving in together and having our own space. Of course I only miss the best parts, but I iust feel quite alone now struggling to get through these two classes I’m taking, only to pause my life and start over and cotton my journey somewhere else, leaving all this behind, my friends my upbringing my past.

I just sometimes think about what if we moved out and had our space living in the place we both loved and actually enjoying ourselves. But I know why it didn’t happen, and that those parts of her I miss aren’t all of her…it’s just hard right now. It’s easier to imagine that future, comfortably remembering her embrace, especially when we were both going through things. It’s definitely taking a lot more resilience on my own, and night is quiet now. It’s felt very lonely lately.

I’ve been stuck in a constant cycle of going back and forth between trying to fight for my relationship and repeatedly texting my ex because I wasn’t ready to let go.

I kept thinking that if I could just explain myself better, show her how much I cared, or prove that I was willing to change, maybe things could be different. I wanted the opportunity to work through our problems together instead of feeling like the relationship ended before I could prove that I was capable of growing.

I won’t lie. I felt discarded. I felt like I wasn’t given the chance I wanted to make things right, and that was incredibly difficult to accept.

But looking back, I’ve started to realize something important: even when your intentions are genuine, repeatedly reaching out can put a heavy emotional burden on your ex.

I was fortunate to have someone who was understanding and mature enough to communicate her boundaries with me. But that doesn’t mean my repeated attempts to talk things through weren’t exhausting for her. She was trying to move forward, while I was still trying to find a way to hold on.

When you’re hurting, it’s easy to convince yourself that one more text will make a difference. You think that if you can just say the right thing, they’ll finally understand how much the relationship meant to you. Sometimes, though, you’re not giving them space to process anything because you’re too focused on getting an answer that will ease your own pain.
No contact is hard, especially when you still love that person. It can feel like you’re doing nothing while the relationship slips further away. You might worry that they’ll forget you, move on, or never understand how much you cared.

And if I’m being honest, a part of me still wants her to come back. I still wish things had worked out differently, and I sometimes catch myself hoping that one day we might get another chance. I’m not going to pretend those feelings have disappeared just because I’m trying to move forward.

But I also know I can’t put my life on hold waiting for something that may never happen. For now, it’s better for me to focus on learning, growing, and becoming a better version of myself—not to prove something to her or guarantee that she’ll return, but because I owe that to myself.

No contact isn’t supposed to be a strategy to make your ex miss you or come back. It’s an opportunity for both people to have space, process what happened, and begin moving forward without the constant pressure of another conversation.

You can still love someone and respect their decision. You can wish you had another chance and accept that you can’t force one. You can feel like you were never given the opportunity to prove yourself and still recognize that repeatedly asking for that opportunity won’t create mutual willingness.

I’m still working through this myself, and I’m not pretending it’s easy. I still have regrets, and I still wish things had turned out differently.

But if you’re in that same cycle right now, take it from someone who’s been there: you don’t have to keep texting someone to prove that you love them.
Sometimes, the hardest thing you can do is stop reaching out, respect their boundaries, and give both of you the space you haven’t been able to give yourselves.

Not because you stopped caring, and not because you’ve completely given up hope, but because you can’t build your future around a possibility you don’t control. For now, learn from what happened, grow at your own pace, and let the future unfold without trying to force it.