for some context, we dated for 7 months - had our own apartments, she wanted me to move in but I was very hesitant - she has depression & takes meds for it, im a very ocd driven and clean, neat person. all the fruit flies came the last month or two of our relationship, when I came over id make an effort to try & clean or kill them (which clearly bothered her) she’d get upset saying she’s embarrassed and I shouldn’t have to worry about having to clean her apartment. So id stress to her how it would bother me & grossed me out, there was 100s if not 1,000s - her and her sister never made a clear effort to keep the dishes clean or trash taken out, they were in about every room but worst in hers and the kitchen. After a month or so of me coming over and clearly being bothered I’m started to destroy our relationship, we’d get in small arguments about the fruit flies & she’d just shut down & not talk to me after having an argument, even if we’re on the bed together. Was I right for leaving or slowly resenting her? or should I have been more a man. im not sure what i could’ve done better about the situation. She wasn’t always dirty or messy it was the last 2 months that really ate away at the relationship

My ex discarded me 4.5 months ago. We were no contact since day 1, however, at the exact 2 month mark, she drunk texted me but it went nowhere. There were some hints that she might come back, like repeatedly blocking-unblocking me, accidentally sending me follow requests of Instagram, repeatedly stalking the instagram art page I made for her. However, a few weeks back, I finally decided to break no contact and ask if she would be up to talk. You guys know what she did? Straight up blocked me, didn't even text a simple "no", just blocked me. 3 years down the drain. Made me the villain when she's the one who discarded me the day my grandpa died. They are not coming back, please move on.

Weve been broken up for a few months and she decided to talk to me on my birthday. Its been painful for me especially with how much i cared for her. But this is bothersome. Am i crazy? Or is she a conpletely crimson red flag now??

So, wipe your tears, fix your crown and get back to work, woman. Not because your pain doesn't matter, but because your future matters too. You may have lost someone you loved, but don't lose yourself in the process.

Together 7 years since 17, met when we were 15.

She dumped me, on July 9th. It was needed.

From then, until August 24th. We went back and forth.
I begged, cried, pleaded, showed up unannounced, expressed my love, etc, etc. basically did everything, right and wrong.

She felt that she needed to break it off, for our own good, but i could tell she didn’t want to either. We went on a trip together middle of august even.

Since that day in July. I fell back into a deep depression (i have BPD).
Lost about 25 lbs, woke up and just sobbed, was incapacitated by the anxiety and would just lay on the floor day after day. Almost took my life. Lost friends. Lost my job.

I did it all. Sobbed on the shower floor day after day, cried when i would see her favourite snack in the grocery store. Slept too much. and too little.

The feeling of rejection. loneliness. and hope. they were like knives in my chest. day after day. i truly never believed id be able to get over it.

Here i am now. I love her more than ever. but with this peaceful feeling. the absolute withdrawal and anxiety of not having her, isn’t there.

I learned the guitar, journaled every day, went to therapy for 4 months, and tried SMALL wins every day.
I feel better now. i’m not over her at all.

but i can function. my life isn’t doomed. i am not broken, and i love myself and know what’s to come is someone who loves me just as much.

I took a day off work so I could visit my mom and spend the weekend with my partner. I came back the following evening, and she had already packed her most important belongings, the cat, and so on. She was sitting on the bed, looking sad, waiting for me. She told me that things weren’t working between us anymore, that she couldn’t see a future together, that she had lost herself in the relationship, and that she needed to find herself again. Her mother came to pick her up and took her away.
The week before the breakup, we had gone out for pizza together and cuddled up watching movies. A month earlier, we had gone to look at a house with a garden, and she admitted that she wouldn’t have minded having a child either. But when we broke up, she said that the idea of having a child and buying a house made her feel like she would spend the rest of her life in this state of not knowing who she was.
I simply don’t understand these contradictions.
Her mother also told me that her daughter had never let anyone get close to her because of me. She also said that her daughter doesn’t understand men and that I don’t understand women…
Other people considered us a perfect couple, and things were mostly harmonious at home, too. We had arguments about once every six months, some bigger and some smaller, but nothing that couldn’t be worked through.
She had also recently changed jobs, where she really grew to love her colleagues. She had been working there for three months. There was a female colleague and a male colleague she talked to about our arguments. They told her that she was a “fool with zero self-respect.”
I simply don’t know how to process any of this. One day I miss her, and the next I’m angry because I feel like she lied to me.
She told me after the breakup that she wanted to be single, yet she went on a date during the very first week after we split up. On the day we broke up, she also took her sexy lingerie with her, even though she had only taken the essentials.
Once, I brought the cat back to her because she had stayed with me for a weekend. When I arrived, she stopped me in the entrance hall and told me, “Don’t get the wrong idea, but there’s a sexy nightgown on top of the pile of clothes on the floor. I bought it to wear under my clothes to work because I didn’t have any clean underwear, and I haven’t been able to do my laundry at my mom’s place yet…”
I just don’t know what to make of any of this.
Before moving out, she also waxed her intimate area. When I confronted her about it, she said it made her feel better about herself.
I’m stuck between two possibilities, constantly going back and forth: did she cheat on me or not? But if she did, why would she be going on dates now?

I caved NC 10 days ago and sent them a letter through the mail. It contained nothing feelings-wise in terms of begging, or pulling, or “I can’t live without you” type of stuff - I just wanted to express my gratitude for our time together.

I wake up and see a letter on my car in response. Very sweet letter - most of the same topics as was in mine. They began the letter saying “It sounds easier to no - contact, to give some time to think and relect. But who knows, it all just sucks.” Idk why but that really resonated with me. This whole time my mind tricked me into saying that they were totally happy during NC and was glad that they didn’t have to communicate with me, but knowing that they feel in a similar way that I do during this period makes me feel a bit more human.

They genuinely still care about me (as do I with them) which helps to know, but also makes it more confusing in a sense. Regardless, on the night of the Taurus moon (I’m Taurus), I feel like I got something as close to closure as possible.

Burn the ships.

My (29M) girlfriend (27F) secretly fantasizing about coworkers

Really sure what to do here and not really comfortable talking to any of my friends about this yet so just looking for any advice. My girlfriend of five years- we’ve had a really solid relationship up to this point no cheating, no questions of cheating.

Recently, she’s been working closer with this guy at work. I never really thought much about this at first because of course you’re able to have friends at work. I have tons of friends at my work but overtime the frequency of which she would talk about him made me question.

Well until today when I mistakenly decided I would just look through her phone (I know. Shitty.) to which I discovered she’s been telling some of her friends about how much she fantasize about this man to the point where apparently she’s been masturbating to the thought of him while I’m not home.

The comment in particular that she made has been really weighing on my mind since I read- it being that it’s "unfortunate that he’s married and has kids". To me this would imply that if he wasn’t married and did not have children, she would’ve already made a move.

I’m like completely fucking crushed. I thought this woman was who I was going to spend the rest of my life with now. I’m sitting calling into question all of the things that made me think that in the first place.

My question to Reddit is more so is this normal/something I should be able to move past? Is it normal to think that way about coworkers to the point where you’re actively telling people about it? I’ve confronted her about this already and she’s been nothing but apologetic and telling me how awful she would feel if I did the same thing.

She swears up and down that she’s never cheated and would never cheat, but it’s very hard for me to square a comment like that with those words. I now have to wonder if our relationship is already over and I’m prolonging the inevitable.

Thanks.

Me and my ex have been broken up for 3 months now. She posted a screenshot on TikTok of a text I sent her the last time I reached out. The text said “ can you give me a call please” I last reached out 2 weeks ago after seeing her in public for the first time since we broke up. She’s posted about me on social media multiple times since the breakup including making a whole TikTok about ignoring me. It hurts really bad seeing her use my hurt for content and that she thinks it’s funny. But at the same time it’s helping me move on because I’m realizing that I’ll never give her the relationship a chance in the future again now because I don’t want to be with someone that immature and petty.

ALSO HE WAS VERY MARRIED AND I DIDN'T KNOW. 7 MONTHS DOWN.

it’s been about a month since the break up and i finally pulled the plug. they look healthy and happy and that’s all i could have hoped for. we ended on good terms with the possibility of reunion with time, but i’ve been making myself sick with the idea of both of us moving on. i finally unfollowed them tho and i feel so miserable but i know i need this.

i know im going to struggle with missing my best friend and their face and worrying about them, but im happy i did it. (kinda)

My ex broke up with me five weeks ago after almost 2.5 years together.

She was incredibly loving throughout our relationship. Even during the breakup, she cried, told me she loved me, and questioned her decision. The next day, she was still expressing sadness and doubt.

Now, just weeks later, she's seeing someone else and treats me with a coldness I can barely comprehend.

We've spoken a couple of times, and she seems completely emotionally detached. No warmth, no interest in my life at all, and barely willing to have an ordinary conversation.

I understand we're broken up and that she needs boundaries. But going from being someone's closest person to feeling like you're worth less than a stranger is devastating. In matter of days.

It's honestly making me question everything we had - and my own worth.

Has anyone experienced this? Did your ex ever show warmth or care again? And most importantly, how did you come to terms with simply not being able to understand such a sudden and drastic change in someone who loved you so deeply?

Its been about 3 months since my ex girlfriend and I broke up. Around a month or so ago I realised that there was a different girl that was interested in me. I kissed her at the club once at the start of october, and had very mixed feelings about it because i felt like i was betraying my ex (who broke up with me due to mental health reasons).

A week ago, my ex sent me a cruel message that turned into a conversation where she told me she's going to completely cut contact with me, that she's not going to give me closure, that shes not going to explain anything and that I need to move on. She was so cruel during that conversation even though i've only ever been kind to her since the breakup.

It was the closure i didn't know i needed. I now feel no desire to get back with her after she has shown me such harshness. This new girl has brought back some sort of spark i thought I had lost. 3 months ago, i never thought id be in this position. but here I am. I never wanted to imagine a life without my ex, but now I'm finally looking towards the future.

You deserve better than someone who couldn't choose you.

My partner and I have been together a decade, and I think I have to pull the plug. He is an amazing, smart, incredibly talented man, and despite me trying my hardest, I can never be enough for him. I’ve realised I’ve exhausted myself and that I will never be worthy of a proposal in his eyes.

He constantly tells me how I can and should do better. How I need to communicate better, have a better routine, be in better control of my emotions, be better at reading people, eat better, so on so forth. It’s even small things, like him constantly beating me at video games, but then getting annoyed that I’m not learning how to get better so that he has a real opponent. He keeps thinking I’m not trying when I really am, I’m just not as smart as him so I can’t pick things up as quickly.

I have tried so hard - so many therapists, even medication, so many books, just… so much. I’ve spent so much money trying to live up to his standards and I just can’t. Maybe my autism just means I can’t ever be good enough.

I feel bad because I know he desperately wants me to be the person he wants, and he’s not giving up because he genuinely feels like it’s something I can do if we just find the right approach. And he tells me that he doesn’t see me as inadequate, that he loves me. But I don’t know how that can be true when he sees fault in me constantly. And it’s odd because he inversely feels like he can never criticise me, so that leaves me wondering just how much worse he thinks as he bites his tongue?

I’m trying to figure out the right time and way to do this, but I am coming to terms with the fact that I have to for both our sakes. He deserves someone better than me, and I deserve someone who accepts me for who I am. It just sucks that it’s not each other.

Do yall think about how your ex feels?
People who move on quickly after a breakup, can I genuinely ask you something? Do you ever stop to think about how the other person feels, especially when you know they are still not over you? Do you ever wonder how much your actions might hurt someone who once loved you with everything they had?
My ex-boyfriend (22M) and I were together for 1 year and 7 months. We broke up about two months ago, and we have been in no contact for three weeks. He has now gotten into a new relationship, and honestly, I don’t even know how to process it.
I’m not saying he has no right to move on. I understand that we are broken up, and he is free to make his own choices. I know I cannot expect him to wait for me, and I don’t want to control his life. But I genuinely cannot understand how someone can share so much of their life with another person and then seemingly move on to someone new in such a short time.

For context. we broke up 2 months ago, still had lingering feelings met up for cuddles and sex 1 month ago before i went overseas for my intern. Agreed to "levae to fate abd maybe try again when i come back in 145 days". How can he let someone on his bed so easily.

Got married to a Filipina that was my worst life decision

It's so funny though all I asked her is where's my socks and I said it nicely as we were about to go out I didn't do anything to provoke what she was doing after that she got angry and of course I got angry back as I couldn't understand or justify her anger towards something so meaningless at that point she starts screaming in my face punching me little bit after that she's got the paddle hitting my shins with it then taunting me by hitting the bed post first then hitting me later she's trying to trash the room nearly took the 65 inch tv off the wall tried to destroy my luggage then finally she starts screaming and hitting herself trying to play victim so her parents can hear it in the next house... Can't justify all that so I said I wanted to leave then she's like crying to her mum to call the police as I'm packing my things, I've gone to Thailand now because this happened in the Philippines and I wanted to go get a quick flight nearby she always hits me or screams at me over nothing I just don't get it

Now I'm in the UK which is where I'm from I got a job and I'm trying to start over I've tried communicating but all I get is abuse and I feel like I'm begging someone to love me that doesn't love me back she even says im the one that needs therapy after all of this..very exhausting to deal with all this.

Was I right to leave this situation? How do you guys know when it's time to go no contact because I just don't wanna deal with her anymore

okay so I know I shouldn’t stalk but I have been to see if she showed a sign of her missing me and I found her Twitter and I am beyond shocked. I found a post on the same night she broke up with me and stated ”Guess who just broke up with their boyfrienddddd meeeee!!!! Ngl I feel better. He was love bombing me WAYYYYY too much. Way too much for me bro. Holy shit.”

I have been nothing but patient, kind, loving and supportive and she shared that same energy with me, I feel betrayed and lied to. I feel so sick to my stomach, I genuinely feel like thro up from this information.

So guys he once kisses his ex while being drunk, yep and I forgave him, omg I'm realising the shi while writing all these that how shitty am I to let all these things slide and keep forgiving him again and again for ditching me for cheating on me for avoiding to never meet me, omg this is crazy I'm sooo stupid atp. I crave his attention, love and attachment and maybe the dopamine release that I get when he babied me.

I'm sorry y'all I'm just so overwhelmed rn, I can't stop myself from telling you all what happened to me the past few months of dating this guy. I'm so done. Really.

Me and my girlfriend of 7 years recently broke up. and it’s been really hard obviously. edit: we’re both 23. we are on good terms. She basically said she fell out of love with me, doesn’t see me as her future husband anymore, needs time and space to explore herself.

She said we can stay friends, and that she doesn’t want me out of her life, she still loves me as a person / friend cause we have a special bond.

What I personally can’t wrap my head around is how is she able to move one with me. Like i understand we’ll forget about each other after a while , but man. 7 years. we shared each other, physically and emotionally. and we made sense together. I know i messed up and i kept hurting her overtime but why can’t we fix this again, start over. how can all that just not matter anymore. How is it possible for someone to be able to do that. I personally don’t think i can. half my life is because of her now. everything i have, what i listen to, how i see the world. I know we are two different people but oml. Can people really just shut the door like that on someone?

I know there's a million posts on here about everything but I'm going to post this anyway. I am 17 years old and my girlfriend of 1.5 years who was my first, and my person, who I shared everything with, broke up with me. I loved her and I still fucking do, she meant the world to me, and I don't know if I meant anything to her over the last couple days before the breakup, and I don't know what to do.

It was 5 days ago, and some people have told me that they know it feels like the world's ending but it's not, but my world's ending, I'm almost a grown man and I can't got more than an hour without bawling my fucking eyes out, and I'm losing so much sleep over a girl who doesn't love me anymore. I share most of my classes with her and have to sit there watch her laugh with her friends and seem happier while I try and not be an embarrassment and breakdown in the middle of class, every second thought that pops into my head has been about how I would/should commit, it's gotten worse each day and I tried to go to gym today and I couldn't, I got through one machine before I left, I walked along a bridge before going home, just looking across the water but I was scared of myself and really couldn't tell if I really wanted to do anything or not right then. This grief is new to me, it is scary and I don't know what to do.

I’m coming out of a 10 year relationship and honestly, have never been happier. I should have left years ago but kids were involved so I stayed and tried to make it work, but ended up almost hating them in the process. This person is NOT someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I found out they’re dating and I am irrationally jealous. What is wrong with me?

I'm 4 months on from the break up and whilst I understand and accepted its over. I've followed all the recommended advice but I'm still having the hardest time moving on from her. How much I love her and loved being with her. I struggle to see anyone in the same way I do her. I know your not meant to fantasize about an ex but I dont feel like I am. Thats just how good she was in my eyes. I don't know what else I can do to start enjoying life even in the slightest because it is absolutely fucking miserable right now. I don't want to throw myself into another relationship because thats not fair on the other person, but even if I did. Theres nobody out there interested. I just feel like I'm destined to live a long, lonelya and miserable life which then makes me think whats the point. Someone please tell me what I can do to change this. I have been exercising since rhe break up and I'm in the best phsyical shape I've been in 10-15 years. Still room for improvement but that just isn't enough to keep me happy. So yeah, any help would be appreciated.

Let me preface this by saying I’ve always been super codependent. Being with someone is the only way I feel like I can live on. I truly derive my value from my significant other and that’s been what I was always surviving on. My relationships have been the gas to my fire and desire to move forward and better myself.

Lately I haven’t been thinking about her. And if I do, she’s never more than a passing thought. I never thought I could say it but I’ve been moving on. And as a consequence of that, my head is so quiet.

No more imaginary conversations with her. No discussions on how we could get back together. No arguments over her cheating or her lying. I don’t really have anything romanticle to look forward to.

I’ve been coping by obsessing with the gym, my diet, and skincare funnily enough. I also just started a new job after being unemployed and that’s just felt like a blip in my life… which sucks because it should feel more important.

Unfortunately, the only relief I’ve had is the thought of a new relationship. And relief to me is the rush of dopamine I get when I think about the excitement of another persons life over my own, mundane existence.

Why is my only relief the hope I can be a part of someone else’s existence? Why can’t I build an existence worth being a part of through my own volition.

My first relationship ended because the person I loved had grown emotionally exhausted. Months before our breakup, he had already become distant. The affection in his messages slowly faded, he stopped sharing the little details of his day, and I no longer felt like I was part of his life the way I used to be.

I tried to understand him. I knew he was struggling with work and with life in general, and I wanted to be someone he could lean on through those difficult times. I was willing to work things out, to be patient, and to face those challenges with him. But somewhere along the way, I think he had gradually given up on us. He said he didn’t want me to get caught up in his problems, and eventually, he chose to let go.

I accepted his decision, even though I wished we had chosen to work through things together.

This experience taught me that love is a choice. Love is not just about the feelings we have for someone, but also about the willingness to show up, communicate, and work through difficult seasons together. Sometimes, two people can still love each other, yet only one is willing to keep trying.

I learned that I can understand someone’s struggles without being able to save the relationship. I can love someone deeply and still have to accept that they no longer want to continue. No matter how willing I am to fight for us, I cannot make that choice on behalf of another person.

Perhaps the hardest lesson was realizing that love alone isn’t always enough when the willingness to keep choosing each other is no longer mutual.

He made his decision, and I have accepted it. I can honor the love we shared without continuing to wait for him. Our relationship may be over, but the lessons I learned from loving him will stay with me.

Why is my 4 month relationship hitting harder than my 2 year relationship. She knew I wasn't ready, love bombed me, told me she loved me 3 days before she blindsided the absolute hell out of me saying "were not compatible". Holy fuh I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Its been a month and shit is stabbing me through and through. Someone tell me it will be okay.