Question in title.

So I’m a 24 year old guy who has been single for the past 5+ years. And it’s really been a lonely time right now. I’m seeing certain relationships and my friends getting married and how happy they are. I’ve tried everything from dating apps to going to bars to going to the gym. I’ve tried if every thing I could think of to help get me to be attractive to someone but I just am like in the background.

I’m a very cool, funny, laidback guy who wants to be a great man to someone.

I had tried to get better, seen a therapist etc. But nothing works. Basically I just feel empty. Everything feels bad. Nothing gives me pleasure anymore. I've a partner but I'm living a double life because my family won't accept my sexuality even though I have come out to them. So I feel like a failure to my family because I can't fulfil their wishes for grandchildren and traditional family flag posts.

I feel like a failure to my partner because I feel I'm letting him down every day and there's constant tension hanging over us because of my family though we're in a different country.

I have a job which on paper is not bad. But I've been here for 6 years. I have constant self doubt at my job and anxiety coupled with social anxiety. I feel constantly passed over and I can't get a read on people. In my mind everyone hates me or looks down on me. Also a lot of complex over being older than everyone else. And now AI is coming for similar jobs.

I'm introverted and low energy and I've realised my "friends" don't stick around. They call up when they need help but soon as the need is over, calls stop. And you just feel like you're the only one keeping the relationship alive. I guess I'm just boring and also I can't relate to anyone. Maybe I'm just a bad person.

I feel like a mediocrity, which is true, I learned not to justify it. I want to try to do better, challenge myself, I'll get serious about it for a day, but then I just don't see the point and give up. I wanted to get a driver's license, but the classes were tough for me, I couldn't concentrate because of the instructor yelling at me and telling me I sucked and wasn't serious about learning.

I'm 39 and I just feel I don't have anything to live for and it's just slow coasting to the end from here on out.

For 10 yrs I've been feeling low in life to a point even my personality has changed. Majority of people say become strong and get your life together. Stop being soft and slow. And I don't know why I let such things like failure, shame,fears and social anxiety keep me stagnant.

Deep down I know nothing will change unless I make the changes. Whether it's toughning out , making the hard choices and simply being determined and consistent with it. But I still don't understand what is holding me back. What is the road block. Is it my old pattern and routine. Is it lack of self belief and confidence. Am I avoiding hard work and failures. Am I avoiding stress that comes.